“The Amazing Theo As: ‘Little Baby Joey’”

By: Ron564339

E-mail: wbigner@hotmail.com

# Part 1: The First News

“No, mom…please! You can’t make me do this!” I begged my mom.

“Yes, I can, Theo,” she said back to me. “And I am. I’m not going to let you back out now.”

“But…I don’t want to!” I whined.

“I don’t care, young man,” she said. “I went through a lot of trouble, and I’m not going to let it be for nothing.”

“It’s just…not fair!” I continued on, crossing my arms and pouting.

“Look, Theo, I just don’t understand,” she said. “You are in the sixth grade. This is your last year before you go to Junior High School. Every year, since you were in kindergarten, you’ve been in some sort of play or show at your school. And after getting the lead role in the big annual end of year play in your third and fourth grade years, you were extremely disappointed last year when you didn’t get it. You went on and on and on about how much you deserved it, and you did everything you could to make sure you got it this year. And you reminded me EVERY DAY that you wanted me to do everything I could to try and get you the lead role for this year’s end of year play.

“And let me tell you, I have called up and talked with all of your teachers, the other parents, the principal, and especially Mrs. Macey, the one in charge of this year’s play. I have begged and begged them, and told them over and over again how much you wanted this lead role. And finally, after months and months, they all agreed, and said that you were worthy to have it.

“But now, after all of that, after all of the trouble that both you and me have gone through, you’re telling me you don’t want to be the lead role anymore? I don’t think so, young man. You are going to play this role, and you are going to do a good job at it.”

“But I’ve told you, I don’t want to play this role! Why would anybody want to?”

“You’ve ALWAYS wanted the lead,” she responded. “Every year you want the lead role. And you’ve always done a very, very good job in the lead role.”

“But those years I got to play cool characters. Like Simba, of the Lion King, in fourth grade. And Sir Lancelot, in third grade. And last year, Timmy got to play Luke Skywalker when I was stuck as stupid R2-D2. Those are COOL roles…FUN roles.”

“And why is this year any different?” she asked.

“Because…this year’s play is… ‘Little Baby Joey’!” I answered.

“Well, I’ve never heard of it, but I’m sure you can do a very good job with it,” she said to me. “And that’s the end of the conversation. You are going to do it, and I had better get a good report from Mrs. Macey…I want to hear you’re doing the best you can so that the play can be another success this year. Because if not, you’re going to be grounded until you turn 18! Do you understand me?”

“But…”

“I said DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!”

“Yes…yes ma’am,” I said sheepishly.

“Good,” she said. “Now you go mow the lawn before your father gets home…I have to get dinner started. And remember…your play practice starts tomorrow after school, and it will be every day at the end of school from then on. I’ll pick you up when it’s over.”

I let out a groan as I went to do her bidding. How could my own mother do this to me? Didn’t she care for me at all? It just wasn’t fair…

But, the inevitable happened, and the next Monday, right after school, I had to go to the first play practice for the big play. Normally, I couldn’t wait for each school day to be over, but on this day, I was dreading it more and more as the minutes passed by.

I made my way over to Mrs. Macey’s room. We normally did our rehearsals in the room behind the auditorium of our school, but for the first few meetings we met in her room. For this first day, we didn’t have an actual rehearsal. The first meeting was always just a basic rundown of the play, the different parts, who was playing each part, and all of the introductory stuff.

Even though I was the first to get there, soon after everyone else showed up. I knew a lot of the other kids…most of us had been in the past plays and done stuff together before. In fact, my two best friends, Rachel Porter and Eric Siker were in this year’s play in addition to some of the past ones I had been in.

Other than Eric and Rachel, there was also Timmy, Pete, Bobby, Angie, Lisa, and Jennifer. There were also some other kids that I didn’t know. Me, Eric, Rachel and Timmy were the only sixth graders, though…everyone else was younger.

As we all sat down at a few circular tables, Eric and Rachel saw me. “Hey Theo!” said Rachel. “Congratulations on getting the lead!”

“Thanks,” I said half-heartedly. “But do you know what role I’ll be playing?” I asked miserably.

Eric couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah,” he said. “Baby Joey!”

As he saw me let out a sigh, he said, “Come on, man. It’ll be fun. We’ll have a good time like we always do.”

“Easy for you to say,” I said. “You don’t have to play a baby!”

“Oh, come on Theo,” said Rachel. “It won’t be that bad…”

“Hmph,” I said, frowning.

“Hey, Theo!” a voice from the other side of the room. I turned my head to see who was talking to me, and unsurprisingly, it was Timmy. “I just found out what role you’re playing! It’s priceless! You’re gonna be a baby! Ha ha!”

I felt myself go a little bit red, but then I said back, “Shut up, Timmy!” I wished I could have thought of some great comeback, but I had nothing.

“Oh man, this is gonna be great!” he yelled. “But I think you’re gonna be perfect for the part, Theo! You’re such a baby anyway! Hey, maybe you’ll even get to wear a diaper! Ha ha!”

“Just ignore him,” Rachel said. “He’s just being a pain in the butt.”

Fuming I turned back toward Rachel and Eric. Timmy had always kind of been a class bully, just kind of a dorky one. He and I had always been able to stand each other just well enough to pull off the play each year, but other than that I didn’t go near him…he just always made me so mad. But, I had to admit he was a good at acting in our plays…he was the only boy other than me who had gotten a lead since I started doing the plays.

But I was also worried about what he said…it reminded me that I really was playing an actual baby in the play. I turned to Rachel and Eric and asked, “You don’t think he might be right, do you?”

“What do you mean?” asked Eric.

“Well,” I said, turning red again. “You don’t think I might have to wear…a diaper or anything, do you?”

“I don’t know,” said Rachel, turning her head away from me…she looked uncomfortable.

“I guess we’ll have to wait and see,” said Eric.

Before we could say much else, Mrs. Macey quieted us down and began the meeting. Mrs. Macey was a skinny woman with long, curly hair. She was kind of a hippie, but she was a really fun and nice teacher, and she always made the plays that we did fun. She was also known to be kind of crazy and bend the rules, but that made her even more fun to work with.

“Ok, ok, settle down everybody,” she said. “As you know, this is our first meeting for the play this year. But like every year, we’re not really going to get into the actual rehearsing today. We’re just going to talk about the play some, get a feel for it, and talk more about the roles that everyone’s going to play. Some of you are actually going to play parts in the play while others are going to have to work on the sets, props and costumes, and others are going to help out the actors by doing other things in the actual performance.

“Now, as most of you probably know, I have been running our end of year play for many years now, and every year it’s a success, but it’s also a lot of fun. This year should be no different. But as most of you know, this year’s play is a little bit different. Because the play I have chosen this year is ‘Little Baby Joey’.”

There were a few giggles and whispers among the kids in the room at the mention of the title.

“Now,” Mrs. Macey continued. “In the past few years, we’ve done some more…dramatic, or exciting plays. Last year we did one that was a version of Star Wars, the year before The Lion King. These required a lot of people to be on the stage, and a lot of people playing small parts. They also had more action and more emotion in them. This year, I’m going for a more simple play. This one only has seven characters, and only three that play a very major part. However, we will need a lot of help on stage since some more “behind the scenes” things will be going on.

“However, what makes ‘Little Baby Joey’ so different is that it’s a very fun play. It’s very simple, but it’s also meant to be very funny. It’s not a complicated plot, and it’s meant to be very light hearted and most of all, comical. So it’ll give you guys a chance to be sillier and have more fun.

“I’m sure most of you have heard of it before. It’s a children’s play written by Gloria Walker, and it’s one of the most popular children’s works in recent years.

“The story is basically this; a young couple has a baby, and they want to go out to dinner and a movie one night. However, their usual baby-sitter calls in sick, so they ask another teenage girl, named Sarah, to baby-sit for them. However, she wanted to go out with her boyfriend, Mike, that night, so she agrees, but she takes her boyfriend with her to baby-sit the baby, whose name is Joey. As she takes care of the baby, she tries to teach her boyfriend how to baby-sit as well, showing him things like keeping the baby safe, getting him to stop crying, and things like that. Things get a little more complicated, and funny, when a few of Mike’s friends, Tony and Sasha, decide to come over and have some fun with him. By the end of the night a whole series of mischievous and comical events end up taking place, but when the parents get home, they only hear Sarah tell them it was a quiet evening with baby Joey.

“But, the major twist that makes the play so much fun is that baby Joey is not just a mere baby. Well, to his parents, and Sarah and Mike and everyone else, he is. But throughout the course of the play, baby Joey talks to the audience, in a normal voice. Through a series of asides (or places where only the audience can hear baby Joey talking) he tells the audience all of the mischievous tricks he has planned for Sarah, and especially Mike. It’s this comical device that makes ‘Little Baby Joey’ so much fun to read, but even more fun to see performed. Children enjoy the play due to its silliness and funny events, while parents can relate to the hassles of taking care of babies and enjoy the idea that babies are actually masterminds who are purposefully making taking care of them so demanding. If done well, this may be one of our most well received plays yet.

“Now, as far as the roles are concerned…Theo here,” she said, pointing to me, as I weakly waved at everybody. “Will be playing Baby Joey. This works out very nicely since Theo is pretty small and since I’ve worked with him in the past, I know he’ll be able to handle the role nicely. Rachel will play Sarah, which also works nicely since she is pretty tall and large, so she will be able to pick up Theo and carry him like a baby.” (I noticed a few more giggles as she said this, and I silently groaned)

“Eric will be playing Mike, Pete will be the father, Angie will be the mother, Timmy will be Tony, and Lisa will be Sasha. Everyone else will either be helping out with some things as the performance goes on, or will be helping to come up with the set and costumes. I will inform everyone of their particular tasks in a little while.

“Now, for the seven actors, let me give you each a script. I want Timmy and Lisa at one table, Pete and Angie at another, and Theo, Eric and Rachel at another. Have a look through the script while I assign tasks to all of my set workers. Then I’ll come by and talk in more detail about what I want you to do for your parts.”

With that, after Mrs. Macey handed each of us a script, we were left to talk to each other while she went and talked to the set workers. I was eager to see the script and what exactly was in store for me, so I didn’t say anything to Rachel or Eric as the three of us thumbed through our scripts.

As I looked through it, I started to see that my worst fears looked like they were going to come true. I couldn’t believe what I was reading, and I winced and shuddered as I read through the dialogue and actions. Baby Joey cries uncontrollably…Baby Joey giggles and plays with the toy…Sarah feeds Baby Joey the baby bottle…Baby Joey hugs his blanket…and worst of all, Sarah shows Mike how to change Baby Joey’s diaper.

After skimming over these parts of the script, I just put my face in my hands and said, “I can’t believe this…this can’t be happening…”

Rachel and Eric tried to comfort me. “Aww, come on,” said Eric. “This isn’t so bad…”

“Yeah,” said Rachel. “I mean, look at all of the jokes in here, this play sounds hilarious.”

“And it looks like we’ll get to have a lot of fun making messes and stuff…look, it says here we get to throw around some baby powder and toys and stuff…”

“Don’t you guys seem to be forgetting something?” I asked, my face still buried in my hands. “I’M the one who has to be the stupid BABY!”

“Yeah, but Theo, look, we all know it’s just pretend, like all the other plays. Everyone knows that you’re not really a baby, you’ll just be acting like one.”

“So what?” I said miserably. “Have you looked at what I’m gonna have to do?” I looked up, opened up my script and pointed at it. “See? Look here. Baby Joey cries uncontrollably. Sarah feeds Baby Joey baby bottle. This is gonna be the most humiliating thing I’ve ever done.”

“Oh come on, Theo,” Eric said. “You can do it. You’ll be great at it. And it’s gonna make everybody laugh.”

“Yeah, I mean, how funny is it to see a boy cry like a baby? And it’ll be fun for me to give you a baby bottle,” Rachel said with a smile.

I just glared at her. “Yeah, well, YOU’RE not the one who has to wear a diaper.”

“But Theo, remember, you’re great at making people laugh.”

“Yeah, laugh at me dressed up and acting like a stupid baby!” I snapped back.

“Theo, look, you don’t even know what it’s gonna be like,” said Rachel. “We’ll probably be acting out most of it anyway. It’s all gonna be fake stuff. You’ll probably only have to wear an old pair of pajamas or something. Don’t worry about it until Mrs. Macey tells us more about what it’s gonna be like.”

This still didn’t make me much happier, but at least I agreed that with her…there was no point in worrying just yet. Still, I just continued to sulk and pity myself and my situation. Eric and Rachel just sighed and gave up on trying to cheer me up.

Mrs. Macey was just finishing up talking to Pete and Angie…everyone else had already left. They did too after a few more minutes, and Mrs. Macey came over to the three of us.

“Well, now it’s just you three,” she said. “For today, there’s not much to tell you. The script pretty much says it all…I mostly just needed to go over some things with the kids helping us out with the props and stuff. Although a lot of the play is going to look different than what the script says…I mean, after all, since you’re not the size of a baby, we’ll have to work on how to get all of the technicalities and things carried out. And there will be a lot of things that happen that we’ll have to coordinate and alter and everything…but we’ll look into that later.”

“Does that mean that the costumes and props will be more basic?” I asked hopefully. “You know, they’ll be pretty simple and fake and stuff?”

Mrs. Macey just smiled at me, mistakenly taking my hope for worry. “Oh, don’t you worry Theo…even though there won’t be as many costumes or props as our other plays, I’m going to go the extra mile to make them look as detailed and realistic as possible. I know that the more quality putted into the costumes the easier it is for you guys to do a better job acting. I mean, it’s your final year with us, Theo! How can I expect you to act like a baby if I don’t make your baby costume as babyish as possible? We’ll have you up and running around in diapers in no time!”

I felt all of the hope drain out of me. “Diapers?” I asked miserably.

Mrs. Macey just gave me a sweet smile. “Well, I can’t very well have a baby on stage if I don’t have him in a diaper, now can I?” she asked with a small laugh. “Now, you three don’t worry a bit about the costumes and props and everything…I’ll handle all of that. I just want you three to focus on the learning your lines, and over the next few weeks I’ll work with you on a few acting techniques and we’ll get everything going. Then we’ll mix in all of the costumes and real action sequences and everything. But don’t you worry…trust me, all of you are going to have a lot of fun making this one. So, unless you have any more questions, I think it’s time for you to be going home.”

As the three of us left the room and walked down the hall to the parent-pick-up spot, Eric and Rachel just smiled weakly at me. Somehow I didn’t believe Mrs. Macey’s claim that we were going to have fun making this play…I felt like my life was over. I banged my head lightly against the wall and wondered how in the world I was gonna get through this.

# Part 2: The Details of the Job

After I got home that day, I did all of my chores, played a few video games, and then had dinner with my mom and dad. I’m an only child, so it’s usually just the three of us. Being an only child has its bad parts; for example, I had to do all of the chores, since mom couldn’t yell at anyone else for not doing them (well, maybe dad, but she seemed to like yelling at me about them more). But there are good things, too; if I didn’t want to be bothered, I never was. When I go over to Eric’s house, his big sister likes to get on our nerves a lot, and Rachel’s little brother isn’t anything short of a nightmare.

Now was one of those times I didn’t want to be bothered. As much as I hated the play we were doing this year, I always liked to be able to sit down with the new script each year and get a better idea of what my lines were and everything I’d get to do for the play, and I like to do it alone…it’s just my thing.

I went into my room, took the script Mrs. Macey had given me out of my backpack, and sat down on my bed to read through it. I didn’t need to start memorizing my lines just yet…Mrs. Macey always liked to do all of these little drills and exercises with us the first week or so and not worry so much about the exact lines. The first few times I did some of the plays, I thought they were stupid and a waste of time…I didn’t see how on earth they would help any of us do any better in the play. But after working with her for a few years, I realized she knew what she was doing…I always felt more prepared when we started working on the actual play.

Still, I always liked to look at my lines and stuff right away…not only did it better prepare me for when I actually had to start saying them, but it gave me a better idea of exactly what we’d be doing. Besides, I was always antsy to figure out what I’d be doing, and it really irked me when I didn’t know what was going on.

As I started looking through each scene that we were doing, I was a little surprised…Mrs. Macey had been right, the play was pretty simple. Well, in a way it was. There weren’t as many backgrounds and props and stuff as the other plays we had done…it was a lot more action and dialogue based. Basically, the whole thing took place in three rooms, and there wouldn’t be a lot of background adjustment…all three rooms’ furniture and stuff would always be on stage. Normally the kids working on the set were always moving stuff in and out in between the scenes, while the curtains were down and hiding the stage.

But in this one, there’d actually be those set workers on stage a lot, just hidden behind the furniture and backgrounds and stuff. So, we’d still need to do a lot of readjustment and stuff between scenes, just not a lot of moving stuff around.

As far as my lines went, I actually wasn’t too surprised…I had gotten over the initial shock of having to be a baby, so now I was actually able to take the whole thing in a little more clearly. The good news was that the play actually seemed to be pretty funny…I laughed out loud a couple of times when reading it. And a lot of the funny lines were mine…if other people found them funny; it’d be great…I love making people laugh. And it was actually a pretty neat concept…I got to make jokes about the other characters without any of them acting like they can hear me.

Besides, I really was playing the lead character. It’s funny…even though I was kind of shy in school and stuff, once I got onto the stage in front of a crowd, I LOVED the attention. It was a total blast, having everyone quiet, and listening to you, and paying attention to you. Besides, it was always fun to be able to pretend to be someone you’re not, and to do crazy things that could never really happen. I mean, I was playing a talking baby!

So, even though there were a few lines that really made me cringe (any time you had to say the word “diaper” with “my” in front of it, it was pretty bad), the lines themselves were actually ok. And I wasn’t worried about memorizing them…it’s not that I’m smart, but ever since I’d been doing these plays (since I was about six years old), I’ve always been able to get them down pretty easily. That’s just the way it’s always been with me…I couldn’t describe it.

And it’s not that I ever found the acting to be that hard. I mean, I was only doing an elementary school play, and I don’t mean to brag, but I was one of the best, if not the best, kid to be acting in the plays we did…I didn’t get a few of the lead roles for nothing. Like I mentioned, being able to pretend to be someone else in front of a crowd watching me was something that I loved and came natural to me, and that always made the actual acting much easier for me. Gestures came naturally, I was good at doing voices, I had great facial expressions, I could always remember lines…I mean, I wasn’t nearly as good as any of the high school kids or people who did real plays or anything, but I wasn’t too shabby either.

So what was the problem? Well, obviously, it was the fact that I had to play a BABY! Honestly, I don’t know about you, but the two most embarrassing things in the world that I could think of were being dressed up like a girl or like a baby. It’s not like I have a problem with babies. I think they’re cute, and funny, and I like to play with them…it’s a good time.

But I was twelve years old now! Ever since I was five, all of my friends and all of the grown-ups had been telling me how important it is to grow up and be a big boy. And why wouldn’t I agree with them? Who wants to be a baby? Who wants to eat baby food, and have to take naps, and pee and poop in a diaper? It’s stupid, really.

And now, not only would I have to do those kind of things (well, act like it, at least), but I’d have to actually ACT and be TREATED like one! In front of a huge crowd of people, no less! And no one else would! They’d all be joining in on the fun!

And the thing was, I probably would have been overall fine with the idea if it was all just pretend, like playing a game. When we acted everything out just using our imaginations, it wasn’t all that serious. I’m used to goofing around, and I’m fine with just pretending that I’m lying in a crib, or pretending to suck a pacifier or something. But when it got serious, and I had to completely dress like a baby, and have everyone treat me like one (especially since I would be at the center of attention), and have to be carried like one…it was all just too REAL. I mean, we’d be acting, but it would actually be happening in reality! And to have to do it in front of a huge crowd, with all of them staring and laughing at me was unbearable.

I kept getting horrible images, like me suddenly walking on stage in nothing but a diaper and having the whole crowd bursting out in laughter, pointing at me and saying things like, “Aww, look the wittle baby! Do you need a nap, wittle baby? Is your diaper wet?”

How could this happen? How could I be getting exactly what I wanted, to be the star of the play, with so many funny lines and a great teacher like Mrs. Macey, along with my two best friends, and STILL have it be ruined because I had to play such an embarrassing part. It sounded kind of fun, but it was the kind of thing I thought I’d like a lot more if it was someone else having to be dressed up like a baby.

Letting out a sigh, I closed the script up, went to brush my teeth, hopped into bed, and fell asleep, trying my best not to think about this whole thing.

I didn’t know exactly what we were gonna do in our next few meetings, but I tried my best not to think about it. I actually paid attention in class for once! But, of course, the inevitable came, and once again it was time at the end of the day for us to meet again together.

We once again went to Mrs. Macey’s room, but now she had moved all of the desks and tables to the sides of the room, giving us plenty of room to mess around and do stuff. It was only the seven people who were going to be in the play today; the rest of the kids didn’t need to do anything more in the first week, since they wouldn’t need to start working on the set and costumes and stuff until later.

The first day was actually pretty simple. Mrs. Macey first ran us through a bunch of the usual drills; she would get us to be in a circle and yell out emotions, and all of us had to start acting like we were feeling that. Next, she did the same thing with actions. She then gave us a paragraph to read, and she assigned us each random voices to try to say them in. Finally, she gave us each a short, one page script of a short scene, and we each partnered up and acted them out while reading from the sheet. We’d swap roles, and then swap partners. These were all just warm-up activities, but they got our minds thinking in our acting mode, and they were always a fun way to start up our practices.

I knew the other six kids pretty well; they had all been in at least one of the plays with me. Of course I knew Eric and Rachel really well. Eric was stocky, with black hair and tanned skin. He was a good basketball player, and an overall nice guy. He could just tell some really stupid jokes sometimes, and he wasn’t as funny as he thought he was. Rachel had long blonde hair and was kind of pretty. But she was also a big girl; she was the tallest kid in our class (I guess the boys still hadn’t quite hit their growth spurts just yet, or maybe she was just really tall). But she was one of the nicest kids I had ever met, even though she could probably beat up most of the boys at our school.

Timmy was the only one in the group that I didn’t like. He liked to pick on just about everyone, and he liked to intimidate other kids. But because he was often so funny (and maybe because he was kind of manipulative), he was actually pretty popular. He had a face like a five-year old, but one time I over-heard a few girls talking about how “cute” he was, so I guess they liked it.

The other three in the play were kids named Pete, Angie, and Lisa, and they weren’t in the sixth grade, like Timmy, Eric, and Rachel…they were fifth-graders. Angie had long, curly brown hair, and she was easily the biggest class-clown in the fifth grade; I think Mrs. Macey wanted the “mother character” in the play to be really goofy, so she chose Angie. Angie was great at doing voices and could often make everyone in our group laugh. Pete had blue eyes and short, parted blonde hair. He was a cool kid, but he was always hitting on the girls…I guess he got over the whole not-liking girls thing a little faster than the rest of us. But they liked him back pretty well, so I guessed he was doing something right (though I still didn’t get it all at that age). Pete was great at playing really “mature” characters, so he’d be a good “father character”. Lisa was a black girl with braided hair. She acted a lot tougher than she really was (she was ultra-nice once she got to know you), but she could back it up; she was easily the best female athlete in our school. She was good for the Sasha character because she could act so tough but still act nice at the same time.

It was an overall great group to be doing these drills with. I noticed that Timmy was a lot more quiet than normal…he didn’t make nearly as many jokes as he normally did (though he still made a few more comments about me being the “baby” when Mrs. Macey couldn’t hear it). But everyone else seemed to be having a really good time, and it was making me feel a lot better about the play.

I didn’t even think too much about having to play the baby. The rest of the practice was more focused on things specifically for this play. One of the major things we had to work on was the parts where I talked to the crowd. Once again, Mrs. Macey gave us a set of random lines, but this time, there were little marks on the sheet where I would speak to the audience. All of us would be reading lines together, performing a usual scene, but then when we reached the marks, everyone else would have to freeze; I would then turn in the direction where I imagined an audience, said the lines in that direction, and then turn back to the others. They would have to stay frozen until I had turned back towards them.

We were having a good time with it, and by the end we had gotten pretty good. Our practices normally lasted about an hour and a half, and we would be doing it every school-day. On this day, though, we finished about fifteen minutes early, so Mrs. Macey let everyone go. Well, except for me, that is.

After everybody else left, Mrs. Macey told me she wanted me to hang around afterwards.

“Ok, Theo,” she said. “As you already know, you’re going to be playing baby Joey.”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Now, this is a very difficult role. Even when this play is performed by adults it takes a lot of practice. That’s one reason why I picked you for the role…I really think you’ll be able to do it well.”

I wondered to myself if mom’s begging was another one of the reasons.

“The major thing that makes this so difficult is that you are really playing two characters in the same play. And not only that, but you’ll have to constantly go back and forth between them. Now, today you did a very good job with the transitioning between talking to the others and talking to the audience. I don’t think you’ll have any problems at all with doing that, as long as you’ll be able to talk to the audience without getting nervous or anything.

“But remember, during a large part of the play, you’re going to have to be just like an actual toddler. You see, even though you’re going to talk in your normal voice when you turn and talk to the audience, during all of the other times you’re going to have to act just like a baby, so you’re not going to actually “talk” at all. And that’s going to be the hard part. Not only can you not talk, but you’re going to have to make babyish gurgles, and coos, and even cry at certain points. You want to make it as believable as possible, because the other characters are actually seeing you like a baby.”

I just stared at her. I wasn’t really surprised to be hearing this, but I hadn’t put all of this thought into this. All of my good vibes that I had gotten from our practice seemed to be going right into the toilet.

“And it’s going to be in your actions, too,” she continued. “You’ll have to walk the way a baby does, look around like babies do, interact with the others the way babies interact with older people, and things like that. In addition, in certain parts of the play you’re going to have to do other babyish things, like drink from a baby bottle, suck a pacifier, and play with some baby toys…the whole play really relies on you really becoming just like a real baby, because otherwise all of your comments to the audience lose their appeal…the audience will start to look at you as an actual 12 year old, and then it won’t be nearly as effective.”

As she talked, even though I kept my eyes on her, inside I was deeply sighing. I had avoided thinking about all of this baby stuff, the entire day, but now I was getting a barrage of it from Mrs. Macey. And it sounded just as bad as I had thought. In addition, I realized that she was right…I was going to have to actually become just like a toddler. Not only was the thought embarrassing, but it was going to be really hard as well, especially since I was going to have to shift in and out of it.

“Now,” she said. “I’ll be helping you out some, but we have to start now. So, first of all, what do you know about babies?”

“Uh,” I said. “Not a whole lot. I mean, I’ve been around them from time to time, but I’ve never taken care of one or anything.”

“Well,” she said. “That shouldn’t be too big of a problem, since I’ll be telling you what you have to do most of the time, and anyway, it’s in the script. The major thing is that you’ll really have to act like one. So, let’s start off small. Let me hear you say some baby talk.”

“What?” I said. It caught me off guard a little, though I don’t know why…it was obvious I would have to sooner or later.

“Baby talk! You know, just some gibberish that doesn’t really mean anything, but sounds like it does.”

“Uh…” I said. Talking in baby-talk was just about the LAST thing I wanted to do at the moment. “Uh…mmm…jabba…wabba…wuh…” I said, feeling like a total idiot.

“Come on!” she said with an exasperated smile. “You can do better than that! See, look… “Cacka-wacka duh dabba too-too! Eh-meh weh-meh juh pappa poo-poo! Teedee weewee ha-ha woo woo!”

I just stared right back at her nervously, not believing that a grown woman was standing right in front of me talking to me like this.

“You see?” she said. “You don’t really have to say anything, you just have to make a bunch of sounds. It’s HOW you say them that’s important. You see, when a baby is Joey’s age, he’s just learning how to form words. So, you may have to say a few…in the script there are a few parts where Joey actually says a few words to the other characters when he’s asking for something or something like that…but in most parts of it, it says things like ‘Joey gurgles here’ or ‘Joey speaks gibberish here’. It’s really more a mix of animated giggles, curious and confused wondering, and whining out of want for something. Your emotions and how you use them to make the babyish sounds are the most important thing. You’re still showing the same excitement, or confusion, or desire, that you are in any other role…you’re just doing it without words and doing it like a baby.”

I couldn’t believe that I was actually being lectured on how to talk baby-talk.

“Ok, well, now I want you to try gurgling like a baby,” she said.

“Uh…” I said, not sure of what to do. “How?”

“You know,” she said. “Just kind of make some sounds with your mouth, but don’t really say anything. You have to act like you’re totally spaced out and not thinking about anything, but just absentmindedly making noise.”

You’d think with all of the spacing out I did in class that this would be easy, but not that I was consciously trying to do it, I couldn’t.

“Uh…daaaaaa…duuhhhhh…” I said, still feeling stupid and not really knowing what I was doing.

“Well,” Mrs. Macey sighed. “That’s ok for now. Ok, one more thing…let me hear you cry.”

“What?!” I asked.

“Cry!” she said. “Come on now, Theo, you know as well as I do that that’s what babies do most of the time. Whenever they want something…to be fed, to be held, to be played with, to have a nap, to be changed…they cry. And you have to do it. Good and loud now, no one’s gonna hear you.”

“No!” I said with a nervous laugh. “I’m not gonna…cry!” I had already sacrificed some of my dignity, and I wanted to hang onto the rest.

“Theo, come on,” she said. “What, are you embarrassed?”

“No!” I said immediately, though of course that was a lie.

“Then go ahead! Try it!”

“Uh…I don’t think I can,” I said, feeling myself start to go red.

“Well…ok,” she said. “For now, that’s ok. But Theo, you’re going to have to do this for me. I’m not trying to show favoritism, but you honestly are probably the best kid actor that’s done this with me since I’ve been here. You’ve been everything I’ve wanted the past few years. And I know that if you really try, you’re going to play this role better than anyone else. But you’ve got to really try for me! It’s going to be your emotions and your imagination that makes your character good much more than the actual lines. So tell me, is something wrong? You don’t seem to be as excited about this one as our previous plays.”

I just stared at her for a few seconds, but then I said, “No…there’s nothing wrong. It’s just…I’m not that used to babies, and it’s kind of hard for me to get into the mind of one…” I just couldn’t make myself tell Mrs. Macey that I was completely embarrassed to be playing a baby…it sounded so stupid and shallow.

“Oh, ok,” she said with a smile. “That’s fine for now. But I want you to keep trying, Theo. The more you WANT to be like a baby, the better you’ll be at it and the easier it’ll be for you to pick it up. Just like any of the other characters and drills that we do…you’ve been so good at those. So if you try hard, I know you can do it. And just have fun with it…remember this is your last play here, and it should be the one you have the most fun with.”

“Yeah…ok. I’ll try to do better,” I said.

“That’s the spirit!” she said. “Now, like I said, I think you’re transitions between talking to the others and talking to the audience is very good now…we’ll practice a little more for the rest of the week…Rachel and Pete are still off on their timing. But I want you to focus on the things we just did. I want you to try to practice this more at home, ok? Really try to picture yourself as an actual baby. I’ll need you to work on all of the things that we just did. And I’ll try to think of some good ways to help you out some more…as soon as we get this, we’ll work more on your transitions between being a baby and talking normally, and then we’ll really be rolling!”

With that, she said good-bye to me and I left the room to go home. I let out another sigh of regret…this was worse than I had thought. It seemed like all of the pressure was on me…Mrs. Macey was right, this was my last year, and I wanted to do a really good job with it. But it was so frustrating…I really wanted to have fun with my last play, but I hated this stupid baby role! And Mrs. Macey said that it would be easier if I tried harder, but that’s the last thing I wanted to do…try my best to want to act like a baby! I just couldn’t really make myself do it.

So, I was caught in the contrast of wanting to do a really good job and wanting to give up this whole thing. This sounded like the hardest thing I had ever done, hard because I had trouble figuring out how to act like a baby, and hard because it was so embarrassing. And I couldn’t even bring myself to tell Mrs. Macey I was embarrassed! I didn’t see how I was going to do this.

‘No,” I told myself. ‘You can do anything. Mrs. Macey said you were one of the best she’s seen, and now it’s time to get focused and do this right…even if it does mean crying like a baby in the middle of a stage.’

# Part 3: The solution to the problem

That evening I went through my usual routine, and about an hour before bedtime I decided that I had better try to practice what Mrs. Macey had told me to. I stood in front of a mirror in my room so I could see my facial expressions too.

It was kind of hard to know where to start. Normally, I would just practice lines in the play with the emotions that I was told to do. That had been easier…it was easier to follow along. But the normal English lines in this one weren’t part of the problem…or at least not yet.

Then I started thinking about some of the past roles that I had done. When we did the Lion King, I played Simba, and during certain parts I had to make growling type sounds. And when I did R2-D2 last year, I had to practice making beeping sounds like the way R2-D2 did in Star Wars.

But whenever I looked in the mirror and tried to talk some baby talk, I just kind of…froze up. I tried to get a few syllables going, but after a few came out, I felt so stupid that I stopped. When I tried to make some gurgling types sounds, the same thing happened. I finally decided to start fake crying, but that didn’t go anywhere at all…one good look at my face all bunched up reminded me of when I was a little kid, and as soon as I let out a little yelp it brought back bad memories of some others kids laughing at me for “crying like a little baby”.

After about ten minutes of a failed effort, I gave up. I went over to my bed and lay down on it, feeling hopeless. Why in the world was this so hard? I had done all kinds of crazy things on stage before…why was this any different?

‘Because I have to be a stupid baby!’ I told myself. For some reason, that was different. I guess it was because before, I was acting like make-believe characters, things that I could only imagine being. But I had actually BEEN a baby. And it just felt…wrong…to try to be one again. I had been told my whole life to “grow up” and “stop being a baby”…and it was so hard to go against that. No matter how many times I told myself that it was just an act I was doing for a play, I couldn’t get over the idea. It was like a huge obstacle that I couldn’t figure out how to get past. And it was the most frustrating thing in the world…I felt like I was going to let down everybody in the play. It was enough to make me feel like crying for real.

The next day was Friday, so it was the last day for the week that we’d have play practice. It was just about the exact same as the day before…during practice, we just did a bunch of group drills. We had an even better time this time around…Angie had been absolutely hilarious with saying some of her given lines in a really deep, Southern accent. Eric unfortunately tried to make one of his fake skits funny, but it didn’t work at all…his jokes just came off as…well, lame. Everyone laughed politely, except for Timmy, who immediately made fun of Eric, somehow without Mrs. Macey hearing it. It got under my skin, but we had to let it slide since Mrs. Macey was there.

Besides, I had more pressing problems…like the day before, Mrs. Macey held me back after she let everyone else go. Once again, she asked me to make the baby sounds like I had before, but I did no better. I could tell she was disappointed.

“Oh, Theo!” she said with a sigh. “What’s the matter? I thought you were going to practice for me!”

“I…I…tried to…,” I said. “But…nothing came out. I just couldn’t do it for some reason. I don’t get it.”

“Theo, is there anything you’re not telling me?” she asked. “Really, come on, if there’s some problem, it will be a lot easier if I know.”

Well, of course, there was a really big problem…I just didn’t want to be a baby! But it wasn’t just that…it felt like I COULDN’T.

“No,” I said immediately without thinking. But as I did, I wrestled with the idea of just telling Mrs. Macey that I was extremely embarrassed about the idea.

“Ok, yes,” I said, before she could say anything. “Yes. The thing is…”

I trailed off again, looking down at my feet. I opened my mouth to say, “I’m completely embarrassed about having to be a baby”, but no sound came out. Instead, I thought fast, looked at her and said, “The thing is that I just don’t know HOW to these baby things. I mean, last year, when I did R2-D2, I could just watch Star Wars to give me ideas and help me out. You know? And I just…don’t know much about babies, and I’m not around them much. And it’s a hard thing just to imagine.”

Mrs. Macey paused for a second, and then said, “Hmmm. Yes, that IS quite a problem.” Looking away from me, she started pacing back and forth across the room. “Hmmm,” she said again.

After about a minute, she stopped, and said, “All right, I think I have an idea…I don’t know for sure…but it just might work…yes…I may have to…but yes…yes…”

I had no idea what she was talking about. “What?” I asked. “What is it?”

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll have to make sure. But I’ll tell you on Monday, ok? Remember, we’re going to meet at the auditorium, all right? I’ll see you then.” And before I could say anything else, she ushered me out of the room, leaving me very puzzled.

Mrs. Macey had told us that she was very satisfied with our warm-up work, so it was time to start meeting at the actual auditorium to start practicing our actual lines and characters, so that’s where we would meet from that point forward. We still had almost two months before our performance, but we knew that we would really have to start practicing this early to get it down really good. Besides, it would also take a while for the props and set and costumes to be ready, and we would have to have enough time to practice with all of those working, too.

Now I know what you might be thinking…why was this play thing such a big deal? We were only in grade school, after all, and the oldest of us were only twelve years old. And yet we had to practice for the play for every weekday for two months (plus a few extra rehearsals near the end), Mrs. Macey did all of these crazy warm-up drills with us, she expected us to truly become our characters and do them really, really well, she wanted the props and set to be superb, and of course, there was the fact that I felt extremely obligated to do a good job in the play. I mean, that was probably pretty normal for high school students, but we were just grade school kids.

Well, it hadn’t always been that way in our town. In fact, Mrs. Macey had only been at our school for about ten years, and she was the one who started the whole thing. The first year she did it I wasn’t even in school yet. But from what she told me the very first play she was in charge of wasn’t a huge deal…they had it at a P.T.A meeting and even though it was well-received, it was just a simple little fun thing to do near the end of the school year.

But Mrs. Macey had always been really excited about it, and she knew a lot about theater. So after the first play went over well, both she and the kids acting at the time put in even more effort. Also, more teachers and kids wanted to be involved in it, and the next year it was even better. More parents came to see it, and everyone thought it was a big hit.

I remember that I was in kindergarten during the fourth year of the play, and they did “The Wizard of Oz”. They held it one evening near the end of the school-year, and I wanted to see it so my mom and dad took me. Even though I was only six years old, it was so good to me that I immediately wanted to be a part of it. During the next few years I played smaller roles and helped out with the set, and even though it was hard, I had a lot of fun with it and it became clear that I was really good at it. In my third grade year, I was the lead role. Everyone tells me I’m really good at it, and I guess I must be to get the lead three different times. But I just have fun with it and do my best, so I don’t think I’m amazing or anything.

Mrs. Macey wasn’t always in charge of the entire play…she was some years but in other years it was another teacher. She was always in charge of casting the kid actors and practicing and rehearsing with them, though. But ever since I had been in the plays it was definitely a collaborative effort, and Mrs. Macey usually had enough help.

The year I was in first grade, Mrs. Macey thought the plays had become popular enough that she decided to try charging people fifty cents to go to it. It turned out that the price didn’t deter people at all…in fact, the number of people attending actually grew.

Each year Mrs. Macey raised the price, and in the last year, it had gotten as high as eight dollars, which Mrs. Macey was satisfied with (the attendance was still high…probably about 500 people all together by that time). But Mrs. Macey and the other teachers weren’t looking to make any money, and of course us kids weren’t going to get paid, so after they used whatever money they needed to pay for the props, they decided to give the rest to charity. They let parents know this, and that was one reason for such good attendance.

So, the annual play at our school had become a very big event that a lot of people looked forward to. And everybody won. It was a lot of hard work for Mrs. Macey and the other teachers, but I could tell they loved doing it, or they would have quit a long time ago. For us kids, it had become a privilege to be able to get up on stage and do it…that’s why we had almost no kids who did a bad job, because everyone wanted in so badly, and the teachers only took ones that they knew were going to be hard workers. So, any hard work we kids put in was something we had actually asked for (though we always had such fun with the plays and they were so satisfying that it was always more than worth the work). The parents and other people who attended the plays were always excited about it and looked forward to it every year, so they hardly minded paying the money to see it (I guess our plays really were that good). And the school, Mrs. Macey and the other teachers never lost any money because there was always plenty to pay for whatever supplies we needed (besides, they found good ways to make really good materials that didn’t cost much). And on top of it all, we ended up donating some money to a charity. It worked just about perfectly.

So even though it may seem like I’ve been making too big of a deal about having to act like a baby for a little grade school play, the play was actually a really big deal in our town…it was even more popular than the ones that the junior high and high schools did (I guess people in our town would have rather seen kids’ plays about talking babies than things like Hamlet. Go figure).

Like usual, my weekend wasn’t very exciting. I didn’t really feel like doing anything with Eric or Rachel since I saw them all the time at school and at play practice. So basically, I just did the usual stuff…went out to eat with mom and dad, saw a movie with them, skateboarded and rode my bike around town, played some video games, and watched some TV. I still spent some time memorizing my lines, though I did NOT try to make any more stupid baby sounds. I tried my best not to think about it any more than I had to. But I still couldn’t help but wonder what Mrs. Macey’s idea to help me act like a baby was. Whatever it was, I highly doubted it would make me feel any less embarrassed, even if it did make it easier.

At any rate, by the time we were done with school on Monday, Eric, Rachel and I walked from our school to the auditorium where the play would be done. It was this really big building where they always took us for whatever special activities we did as an entire school. A few times they had brought in magicians, or story-tellers who dressed up as the characters in the stories and spoke in funny voices. It was where we always held our annual school play.

It was neat too because it had a lot of little rooms backstage behind the main room with all of the seats and the stage itself. Even though some of these were just dressing rooms and make-up rooms for the adult performers who came here, there were also some that were about as big as our normal classrooms. We could use these to continue our rehearsals, so we just called them “practice rooms”.

After Eric, Rachel and I entered the auditorium through the main entrance, we walked down the aisle, up onto the stage and went backstage. We had to walk through a couple of these practice rooms to get to the one where Mrs. Macey wanted to meet us. Quite a few other kids had already arrived…they were the ones working to build the set and the ones that were going to have to do a lot of the behind-the-scenes work during the actual play. A few other teachers were there too…Mr. McMasters was in charge of the production of the set, Mrs. Beilman was in charge of the costumes and props, and Mr. Ziff was in charge of the workers that would be hidden and doing certain actions during the play.

As we entered another practice room, we saw Mrs. Macey, Timmy, Angie, Lisa, and Pete…so we were the last ones. As we walked in, Mrs. Macey said,

“All right, everyone’s here now. Ok, I’m going to get everyone but Theo started in here. Theo, I want you to go into room number six and wait for me there…I have some ‘private’ plans for you right now.”

For whatever reason, Angie and Lisa giggled as Mrs. Macey said this. I ignored them and said nothing. I just dropped my backpack down, left the room and headed for room number six, which was only a few doors down the little hallway.

Once I got there, I just sat in one of the chairs against the wall. I still had no idea what Mrs. Macey had in store for me that day, but I would soon find out.

I had to wait about fifteen minutes before I found out. I’ve always hated waiting for things when you don’t know when to expect them. But finally, Mrs. Macey opened the door and came in.

“All right, Theo,” she said as I stood up. “I think I may have found a solution to our problem of you playing your role. And that solution happens to be a special someone!”

Before I could respond, a woman walked in through the door. She looked like she was about thirty years old, and she had long blondish-brown hair. She looked somewhat familiar…I was pretty sure she was another teacher.

But what was more important was what she was carrying in her arms. She was carrying a baby girl! Well, she was really a toddler…she looked to be about a year and a half old. She had had brownish hair that was still kind of short, and she was wearing a two piece, pink out-fit…a pink, long-sleeved shirt with pink pants. She was currently smiling happily and playing with the woman’s hair. The woman also had a diaper bag over her shoulder, which of course made sense.

I couldn’t help myself…I immediately walked over to them and smiled at the baby…she smiled right back at me and giggled.

“Theo, this is Mrs. Thompson,” Mrs. Macey said. “She teaches at our school. And this…” Mrs. Macey said as she leaned down in front of the baby, lightly grabbed her hand, and smiled at her, “…is Stephanie, her 18 month old daughter. I thought about how you said you were having trouble thinking about how to act like a baby because you didn’t know how, and that you weren’t around them. So, I got the idea of asking Mrs. Thompson hear if she would let Stephanie here help me out.”

“You mean…” I began.

“Yes…for the next few weeks Mrs. Thompson has agreed to bring Stephanie here during our practices. This way, you can kind of observe her and get a better idea of what babies do and what they’re like, and you can learn how to imitate her. She’s the perfect age…she just recently learned to walk, but she still speaks in baby-talk sentence fragments. She’s also still in diapers and occasionally drinks from bottles, so we can use that to help us out some more.”

I was actually very happy with this idea. Despite how much I hated the idea of having to play a baby in the play, I liked real babies a lot. They were always funny the way they played around and made funny sounds, and they usually laughed a lot when you played with them. Besides, they were just so…cute.

And Stephanie was just as cute as any baby I had ever seen. I smiled at her and made a funny face almost automatically, which made her giggle even more. I reached in to lightly pinch her cheek, and she lightly grabbed my hand with her own. “Aren’t you a sweet little girl?” I asked nicely.

Stephanie responded by smiling again and going, “Gah gah gah!”

“Theo, I think she likes you!” said Mrs. Thompson said. She looked down at Stephanie and said, “Can you say ‘Theee-ohh’?”

“Tee…tee…” Stephanie said, pointing at me.

“Ha ha,” I laughed. “Close enough.”

“Do you want to hold her?” asked Mrs. Thompson.

“Sure!” I said. “As long as I don’t drop her or anything.”

“Oh, it’s easy,” Mrs. Thompson said. “All you have you have to do is rest her on your hip, put one arm under her bottom and the other holding her chest. She’s old enough so that you don’t have to be extremely gentle with her or watch her head too carefully or anything. Be careful, she is a bit heavy, though.”

With that, Mrs. Thompson handed Stephanie over to me, and I held her just like Mrs. Thompson had told me. It was great…even though she was a bit heavy, she was soft and kind of cuddly.

“Such a good baby!” I said softly to her, as she looked at me and said, “Tee…tee…” She was moving her hands about, grabbing whatever part of me she could find, whether it was my shirt or my face. But she did it so softy and cutely that it was actually kind of nice.

“That’s right,” I told her. “Gee gee boppa boppa boo boo? I said affectionately, causing her to giggle again. Then, she pushed her head up against my chest and let it rest there. I automatically put one hand behind her head and started to rock her back and forth…it was a great feeling just having her relax her head up against my body. I could tell she was content.

I looked over at Mrs. Macey, who was smiling at me. “Wow,” she said. “Theo, for someone who doesn’t spend much time around babies, you’re already doing a great job with Stephanie. You must be a natural…and she already likes you!”

I just sort of smiled and said, “Yeah, I guess so. I don’t know…every now and then I’ll be around a baby, and I really like them.”

“Well, that’ll be even better for us,” Mrs. Macey said. “Because I can already tell that this is going to be a good idea. Do you realize that a few seconds ago you just spoke some baby talk?”

I was a little shocked to realize that she was right. I DID just say something in baby talk…and not only was I not embarrassed, but I hadn’t really noticed that I did it!

“Yes…yes…” Mrs. Macey said. “This will be very good. Ok, Theo, for today, I need to work with the other kids, so today you can just get to know Stephanie better. Mrs. Thompson will stay back here with you and Stephanie to make sure everything is all right, and you can use the time to play with her some. I want you to start noticing how she acts…not only how she talks, but how she interacts with you, and the way she moves her body, and everything. We’ll keep on working on it more and more over the next few weeks, so for today I just want you to start getting used to the idea.”

With that, Mrs. Macey left Mrs. Thompson, Stephanie and me in the room.

“Ok, Theo,” Mrs. Thomspon said. “Stephanie actually had a nap at day-care not too long ago, so I don’t think she’s going to stay relaxed like that for much more. So let’s set her down on the floor and let her play some.”

Mrs. Thompson put the diaper bag down and pulled out a small blanket and a few baby toys out of it. Stephanie immediately noticed them, and just as Mrs. Thompson had predicted, she immediately got filled with energy. She pointed at the toys and said, “Boo…boo…”

“Do you want down?” I asked, as I set Stephanie down on her feet. She immediately plodded over to the toys and plopped down on the blanket. She grabbed this little rubber ring thing and put it in her mouth, letting out a few baby sounds.

“See, Theo,” Mrs. Thompson said. “Babies at this age like to put just about everything in their mouths.”

I made a mental note of that as I sat down on the blanket next to Stephanie.

“Another thing about babies, Theo, is that they don’t really understand a lot of things yet. Like, sharing, for instance. Go ahead and try to take her toy away from her?”

“What?” I asked. I didn’t see why I should do that.

“Go ahead…see what she does…she’ll be okay.”

I reached over, grabbed the toy Stephanie was holding, and started to pull on it. I got it loose from her, and immediately she grabbed back at it and said, “Mah….mah…tah,” looking both upset and a little angry

“Okay, you can let her have it now,” Mrs. Thompson said. As I let it go, I noticed Stephanie immediately got back into it and was happy again. “See, babies have very short attention spans and can be quite moody.”

After that, Mrs. Thompson and I played with Stephanie a bit. We did things like play peek-a-boo with the blanket, and I let Stephanie chase me around a little bit, which she loved. I was having a good time, too…it was fun to watch her react with delight to the simples things.

Mrs. Thompson then grabbed Stephanie and placed her on her back. “She loves this,” Mrs. Thompson said. Mrs. Thompson lifted up Stephanie’s shirt, put her mouth on her stomach, and blew a soft raspberry. Stephanie giggled crazily and moved her arms and legs about in a happy way. Mrs. Thompson said, “Yes, she’s such a cute little girl! Yes she is! Yes she is!” as she did it again.

“Can I try?” I asked.

“Sure!” Mrs. Thompson said.

I bent over Stephanie and blew into her stomach as well, getting the same reaction from Stephanie. It was oddly very satisfying…I could see why parents liked to do it so much.

But after I did it a second time, Stephanie giggled for a bit, but then she looked a little bothered. She began to whine a little and let out a few concerned sounds. “Ba…ba…ba!” she said, her faced scrunched up a little.

“Oh…uh…sorry…” I said, not sure what I had done.

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” said Mrs. Thompson. “I think Stephanie just wants something to drink. She still likes bottles, so I still let her have one, though she drinks it herself. I’ll get one out of her diaper bag…don’t worry if she starts crying.”

As Mrs. Thompson went to get the bottle, Stephanie did just that. She cried loudly and looked very upset…it seemed like such a simple thing, but she was really upset.

Mrs. Macey soon came back with a baby bottle full of milk and gave it to Stephanie. Stephanie immediately grabbed the bottle with both hands, stuck the nipple in her mouth and began sucking on it. She stopped crying, and all of her attention was on the bottle. She even rolled back a little and tried to put her feet on the bottle for more support.

I watched her happily drink the bottle and saw how she acted. It was very interesting…she had gone from completely upset to completely happy within seconds. She was so easily satisfied, and she did have a very short attention span.

After she finished the bottle, Mrs. Thompson and I played with her for about ten more minutes. She was very happy during that time, but after the ten minutes, once again she started to whine and I could tell she was about to burst into another crying fit.

“What is it this time?” I asked. “She doesn’t want another bottle, does she?”

“Well, I think it’s one of two things,” Mrs. Thompson said. “She’s either tired and wants another nap…”

She then pulled out Stephanie’s pants a little and put her hand up against her waist.

“Or…yep…she needs a diaper change.”

I should have known that was it. Of course Stephanie was still in diapers, and she was bound to wet them.

“Ok, well, I guess we had better change her diaper,” Mrs. Thompson said. “Here, I’ll show you how to do it.”

“But…but…she’s a girl!” I said.

“Oh, Theo, she’s just a baby. There’s nothing wrong with you seeing a baby girl naked. Here, I’ll show you how you change a diaper.”

With that, Mrs. Thompson put Stephanie down on her back on the blanket, and got out some baby wipes and some baby lotion from the diaper bag. I noticed Stephanie was still hollering and moving back and forth on the blanket.

“At this age, oftentimes babies put up kind of a fight when they’re being changed,” Mrs. Thompson told me. “So that’s something you might want to notice.”

Mrs. Thompson pulled down Stephanie’s pants, and I saw a clearly wet diaper. I was a little grossed out, but I forced myself to keep watching at Mrs. Thompson un-taped Stephanie’s diaper and rolled it up. And even though I felt weird, I kept watching as Mrs. Thompson took a baby wipe and wiped Stephanie’s whole “diaper” area while she held Stephanie’s ankles with her other hand to guide her lower body. I noticed that Stephanie was still thrashing around a little, and she kicked whenever Mrs. Thompson wasn’t holding her ankles. She then took the baby lotion and massaged it into Stephanie’s rear and private area. Finally, she took a new diaper, put it underneath Stephanie’s rear, pulled it between her legs and taped it on.

“There, all done!” Mrs. Thompson said as she pulled Stephanie’s pants back up. Stephanie had calmed down a good bit by now. “See, it’s not that hard.” I had to admit, it was a little weird…I had never seen a diaper change before…but it didn’t seem to be that big of a deal.

Soon after, Mrs. Macey came back, and let us know that play practice was over and that it was time for me to go home. She talked to Mrs. Thompson and I and was very happy about how this had worked out. The plan was still on for Mrs. Thompson to keep on bringing Stephanie, and Mrs. Macey said she had quite a few more ideas in store. However, for that day, practice was over, and I said good-bye to Stephanie and Mrs. Thompson. Stephanie actually waved back to me. I think Mrs. Thompson was right…she did like me. And I was a bit surprised to find out that it was a little sad for me to see her go.

So I went home that day, telling mom and dad about the practice that day. They were happy to hear that it had gone so well, and my mom thought it was good that I was learning a bit about babies too. But for me, it had been much more than that.

It was kind of weird…the whole afternoon with Stephanie had a huge effect on me. I had been able to completely forget about the role I was playing and I just had a good time with her. But now that I thought about the role, I felt differently about it.

Because as I had observed Stephanie and her behavior, I realized that…babies are kind of cool! I mean, I had had a lot of fun, and Stephanie had too. And all we did was play a few baby games. But I started to realized that babies were pretty neat.

Even though there were some weird things…the crying and the wet diaper, for example…I started to think about how happy Stephanie had been. She had gotten so excited over simple things, such as someone speaking baby talk to her or giving her a toy. It was so easy to make her laugh or smile, and she was so easily satisfied. And when she did cry, it just showed how innocent and helpless she was. And with a bottle, nap, or diaper change she was immediately happy again. I started think about how nice it must be for her, not to have any care in the world other than being hungry or wet. I started thinking about how whenever something was wrong, she could just cry to her mommy and have everything fixed. It actually seemed kind of nice.

The more and more I thought about this, the better I felt about everything. I started to think that being a baby wasn’t all bad, and that maybe it wouldn’t be too bad playing one. Besides, I liked Stephanie and was looking forward to seeing her again.

That’s not to say that I still didn’t feel quite embarrassed to be playing a baby, and those feelings continued to bug me as I went through the school day the following day. But once again, during play practice, I was left to work alone with Stephanie and Mrs. Thompson, though this time I had a different task.

“Ok, Theo,” Mrs. Macey said to me. “Now that you know Stephanie better and have watched her some, I want you to start interacting with her. Not the way Mrs. Thompson does…like a parent. But like Stephanie acts…I want you to try to imitate her and act like a baby too.”

“Uh…ok,” I said, not too sure of this. It was easy to take care of Stephanie and play with her like a 12 year old since it was fun. But trying to act like a baby just like her?

I also had another question. “Wait,” I said. “Stephanie is a girl, and I’m a boy who’s playing a baby boy. Isn’t that a problem?”

“Well, Theo, not really,” Mrs. Macey said. “Really, there isn’t much difference between boy babies and girl babies. For the most part, they act the same…at least enough for you to play Baby Joey. So if you just imitate Stephanie, it’ll be ok.” That made me feel a little better, but not too much.

It turned out, though, that this wasn’t all that hard. As soon as I started to play with Stephanie again, I once again began to see how happy and innocent she was, and once again I began to think it wasn’t too bad to be a baby. Even though it felt a little funny at first, I began imitating Stephanie. I started off just playing games with her and responding in the same way she did. This got me going with the flow a bit, and it became more fun and easier to do from there. Mrs. Thompson gave me some pointers, and even though it was kind of embarrassing, she began to play with Stephanie and then treat me the same way.

But after a little while, I began to get into it. It was kind of like just acting silly and goofy and stupid like I did with my friends sometimes. I could make myself laugh by repeating the sounds Stephanie made. I playfully chewed on a toy in the same way that she did. I crawled around a bit and chased after her. I giggled as Mrs. Thompson played peek-a-boo with me. As we went on, the embarrassment kind of melted away and I began to get caught up in the whole thing, having a lot of playful fun and feeling kind of carefree.

Funnily enough, Mrs. Macey had snuck in while I wasn’t paying attention, and she was able to observe me acting like a baby without me noticing. I jumped a little from embarrassment as I first noticed her, but she was excitedly smiling and clapping her hands.

“Perfect!” she exclaimed to me. “Theo, THAT’S what I’ve been wanting from you. See, you’re great at this.”

I felt kind of silly, but kind of good at the same time, so I just kind of looked down, smiled and said, “Yeah…I guess so.”

“Honestly, if you can do this, I think the play will work out splendidly. Ok, for the next few days I want you to keep on practicing exactly what you did today. That way it will become even more natural for you and you’ll be much more comfortable with it.”

So, after saying good-bye to Stephanie and Mrs. Thompson again, I once again felt pretty good coming out of practice. I had felt kind of silly since I had basically acted just like a one year old for an hour, but at the same time, it was kind of…nice. It was carefree fun, and on a normal day you usually couldn’t just act goofy and silly like that…you had to be all serious in class and around parents and stuff. It was very satisfying to be able to relax and just have a good time carefree.

I continued to do this for the next two days, and it got even more comfortable for me. I really began feeling like I was up for this play performance, and I was actually enjoying myself. Acting like a baby was turning out to be not only not a bad thing, but actually a good thing.

On Friday, though, things got a little more challenging. On this day, Mrs. Macey came back with Stephanie, Mrs. Thompson and me, and she wanted to take a more active role.

She first asked me to show off some baby acting without having to copy Stephanie. I felt a little funny, but I had done it enough that I just kind of “stepped into the role” and forgot that Mrs. Macey was watching. Letting myself go, I crawled around the room, gurgling and letting out nonsense baby talk, following it up with playfully rolling around chewing on toy and finally snuggling with the blanket in the way that Stephanie sometimes liked to do. I then started to whine a bit and built up a good cry before letting it out as high pitched and loud as I could.

After I stopped, Mrs. Macey said, “Brilliant! Yes, that’s exactly what I’m going to need you to do. Now, there are only a few more things to focus on.”

I felt pretty good so far, since I had kind of let all of my pride and dignity go in order to do what Mrs. Macey wanted, and it hadn’t really bothered me, even with her watching. But now things were going to get stickier.

“Ok, Theo, now, I know that you’re quite heavier than Stephanie, but I still think you’re light enough for me to pick you up. Now, I know Rachel won’t be able to carry you around the way that Mrs. Thompson carries around Stephanie, so I’m going to practice carrying you in my arms, rather than on my hip.”

I couldn’t help but feel a little silly, but I made myself do what Mrs. Macey said. She walked over to me, and she put one hand behind my back and the other at my knees. She lifted me up and held me in her arms. My butt was hanging down a bit, and her arms were supporting my back and legs.

“Yes, you are a bit heavy,” she said with a small grunt. “But this works pretty good. You need to know how this feels, and you need to still be able to act like a baby when you’re being carried like this.”

Basically, Mrs. Macey imitated Mrs. Thompson and I imitated Stephanie. As they carried the two of us around the room, I looked at Stephanie and tried to do what she did. I gurgled, played with Mrs. Macey’s clothes and hair, and I even rested my head up against her arm and tried to act like I was sleeping. It was quite weird, but I had gotten a lot more used to these babyish actions.

Things got even weirder, though. Mrs. Macey had me practice waddling rather than walking, explaining that the bulk of a diaper between a baby’s legs make them do that, and even though I would crawl and be carried during the play, I would mostly be waddling.

Then, I actually had to practice drinking a baby bottle. This was quite humiliating, especially because Mrs. Macey told me that she would have to feed it to me. So, I had to lie across her lap and have her hold the bottle up to my mouth while I tried to suck the milk out of it. To make matters worse, as I did so, Mrs. Macey patted my head and back and spoke soothing baby talk to me. At first, it was really weird and embarrassing. But, after I did it some more, it actually wasn’t all that bad. In fact, it was even a little nice…it was comforting and reminded me a bit of when I was a little kid and mom held me in her arms.

Anyway, Mrs. Macey was very satisfied with my effort, and she told me that I had done exactly what I needed to. Afterwards, she told me that there was a burping bit in the play, so she told me to put my head over her shoulder while she patted my back. The great part about this was that I could burp without drinking anything, and this was the perfect opportunity to showcase my talents. I let out a disgusting (but very satisfying burp), and Mrs. Macey told me that it was perfect, since it was bound to be funny in the play. Now how often do you get to do that?

But, there was one more thing…the worst of all…

“Ok, Theo,” Mrs. Macey told me. “The last thing we have to practice is diaper changes.”

“What?!” I said, not believing what I heard.

“Theo, remember, in the script, Baby Joey gets his diaper changed!”

“But…but…,” I said nervously.

“But what?”

“But…I can’t be naked on stage!” I said, feeling myself go very red.

“Oh, Theo, you silly kid!” Mrs. Macey said. “Of course you’re not going to be naked! For heaven’s sake, I don’t want to see you naked, and I would be thrown in jail if I made you take off your clothes!”

I was confused. “Then…wha…how are we gonna do a diaper change?”

“Don’t you worry, I have it all figured out,” Mrs. Macey said. “For now, we’re not actually going to put a diaper on you, we’re just going to act like you’re getting changed.”

So, what we did was this: Mrs. Macey picked me up and set me down on the blanket. She told me to gurgle and kick my legs around the way Stephanie did when she got changed. Mrs. Macey acted like she was taking down my pants and un-taping an imaginary diaper, all while I continued to move around babyishly. She then took some wipes, grabbed my ankles and acted like she was wiping me. She told me to roll up and push my ankles over my head, since Rachel would need me to do that when we did the actual play. It was easily the most embarrassing thing I had done so far, and I felt myself going red the whole time, even though I was fully clothed throughout the whole thing.

But, I was a good sport, and I helped Mrs. Macey out and did what she said. While I was still rolled back with my butt facing Mrs. Macey, she took a closed container of baby powder and acted like she was shaking it onto my butt. She then lowered my legs and acted like she was taping on a new diaper. Finally, the thing was over.

Mrs. Macey could tell that this had been a harder day for me, but she still said, “Ok, Theo, I know this was kind of weird, but we’re going to have to practice this fake diaper change and bottle-feeding over and over again. Remember, you just need to act like a baby, in the same way that you did at the beginning today. Besides, in the actual scene, there will be some more funny things that you’ll get to do, and you’ll have a lot more fun with it. Trust me.

“Ok, so on Monday, I’m going to have to get together with the rest of the actors and we’ll start working on the actual scenes from the play. Don’t forget everything you’ve done this week…now, you’ll need to repeat all of this with the other actors, in addition to mixing in a lot of other things. And don’t worry…we’re not done with Stephanie yet, either.”

With that, I once again left the auditorium to go home. I still felt pretty weird about the whole fake diaper change, but it wasn’t THAT bad. Besides, I really had had a lot of fun acting like a baby the whole week, and I had warmed up to this role a whole lot more than I had originally been. Besides, it really did seem like I made a really good baby.