My Christmas Vacation

Introduction

My family spent Christmas 1998 at a ski cabin with my uncle Bob, and his family from Wisconsin. I was excited about it, since I figured I would get to ski a lot, and being ten, Christmas was the best time of the year.

I no longer believed in Santa Claus, but I getting gifts really got me excited. I was also excited about being able to ski on the blue runs this year, because I was getting better and stronger. Every year before this one I wasn’t good enough to go up to the big lifts, and was stuck on the bunny slopes. At the end of the previous ski season I was starting to get good enough, and even went up to big lift with my dad. I figured this year I would be able to ski all the blue runs, which was a lot more fun than just the bunny hill.

I also had a secret reason for my excitement. For as long as I could remember I was always fascinated with diapers, and baby things. I was developmentally behind my sisters in potty training, and actually gave up diapers after my younger sister Karen.

I’m the middle child, between two girls. Stephanie is two years older than me, and was twelve during that vacation. Karen was two years younger than me, and was eight. Stephanie is actually closer to my age than Karen, but a lot of people thought Karen and I were twins. When we were growing up Karen seemed right on my heels in a lot of developmental milestones. Especially with potty training. Mom really didn’t start potty training me until I was four, and Karen started shortly after me. By the time I was five; Karen was trained, but I still needed diapers occasionally. I continued to wear diapers for long trips until I was six, and wore them at night until I seven. That was nearly three years after Karen stopped wearing diapers.

Even at ten I would occasionally wet my pants, and nighttime accidents weren’t rare. I still wet my bed about three times a month. It wasn’t a lot, but we had to be careful.

It seemed that I wished I could go back to diapers ever since I was eight, but no longer wet enough to need them. A lot of times I would think about having accidents on purpose, just to get mom to put me back in diapers. I usually chickened out, but about half of my day time accidents were on purpose. A few of my night time accidents were on purpose, but most of those were real.

I didn’t have much access to diapers anymore. No one in our family needed them anymore, and none of my friends had siblings who needed diapers. I resorted to walking down the diaper aisle in grocery stores, wishing just once mom would put some in her basket for me. I think my mom knew how I felt, since she would see my eyes light up when diapers were mentioned. I would never admit it to her, and if she confronted me I would have denied it. I just prayed one day she would get fed up, and put me back in diapers.

My only chance to be near diapers was when we were with my Uncle Bob’s family. His family was younger than ours, but identical make up. My cousin Rachel was a year younger than Karen. Chris was about two years younger than Rachel, and Heather was a little more than two years younger than Chris. Rachel was potty trained about the same time I was. I remember we went to Disney World when I was six, and Rachel and I were both in diapers. Of course Rachel was three at the time.

We only saw my cousins about once a year, and I hadn’t seen them since the summer of 1997. At the time Heather was just an infant, but Chris was still in diapers. I didn’t know for sure, but I figured Heather would still be in diapers, and maybe Chris would need them at night. Heather was about two and a half, and Chris’s fifth birthday would be in February. The trip to Tahoe

We left from Concord, in the Bay Area, on Monday morning. It was December 21st, and we had the cabin until the 27th. Mom said a few things that was unusual, but I didn’t think anything about it at the time. Just before we left she told us all to use the potty, because she didn’t want to stop right after we left. She told it to everybody, but was really talking to me. I had a habit of not using the potty at home, and then a half hour out of the house I would need to go to the bathroom. My sisters both took my mom’s advice, but I resisted. My finally got me to go when she threatened "If you don’t go potty now, I’m buying some Pampers, and you can wear them all week." Mom never said anything like that, and my mind raced for a bit. I actually thought about waiting, and seeing if mom was serious. I guess I kind of chicken out, because I went to the potty when mom started to count.

The next unusual event occurred about two hours later. We left about ten o’clock, and it was nearly lunch. Even though I peed before we left my bladder was filling rapidly. I really needed to go, and dad was trying to find a fast food restaurant before I had an accident. I almost didn’t make it, but with much urgency we finally stopped at a McDonald’s in Sacramento. I ran into the bathroom and started peeing even before I got my pants down. I don’t count it as an accident, and my underwear was just a little damp. Mom didn’t say much while I was waiting to go, but when I walked back to our table she whispered "I bet you had those diapers a few minutes ago." Once again I was speechless. I knew mom was joking, and she wasn’t trying to be mean. I also think it was her way of acknowledging my little desire, without actually confronting me about it. I had a mixture of emotions. Part of me wanted to tell her "Yeah, let’s get some now." Another part of me was saying "are you crazy, diapers would be worse than anything."

We arrived at our cabin. It had four rooms, and mom decided to put Chris and in one room, and the three older girls in another. Heather slept on the floor in her parents room. When we got there I went into my room, and couldn’t believe what I saw. The family who owned the cabin had a baby, and this was the nursery when they stayed there. There was a crib, and the Disney wallpaper. There was also a bunk bed, which obviously Chris and I were supposed to sleep in.

"Mom, there’s a baby crib in here!" I shouted.

"There is. Put it in Aunt Carol’s room; maybe Heather will want to sleep in it."

As I pushed the crib into my aunt’s room I thought about ‘testing’ it out. I just wanted to get inside, and see how it felt. I put it in the corner, and then closed the door behind me. Alone in the room I decided to quickly see what it would be like lying in a crib. I climbed up in to the crib, and lied down. I wasn’t very big, and I could stretch my legs out all the way. It felt so great I almost fell asleep, but caught myself when my mom knocked on the door.

"Mark, what are you doing?" she cried through the shut door.

I immediately climbed out of the crib, and said "nothing."

When my cousins arrived I was pleased with what I saw. Rachel was first to come in, and she had a package of Pampers size 6 in her hand. Those had just come out that summer, and I wondered if they would fit me. I was hoping that aunt Carol would bring some for Chris and Heather. I hoped to get a chance to see if they fit, but didn’t know how. Once the rest of the family came in the house I quickly figured out Chris and Heather were both diapered. I even realized that the entire package of size 6 Pampers was for Chris, since Heather had her own set of girls Huggies.

It turned out the Pampers were for nights, and away from home. Chris wore Pull Ups when we were just at home. My wish was granted. I would get to see my cousins diapered the whole vacation, and I would get to live vicariously through my younger cousin. Even though Chris was a lot younger than me, we got a long pretty good. I liked to play little kid games, and Chris loved to play with me. Chris had a lot of toys, and mom had packed a lot of my old toys for Chris on this vacation. I had a great time showing Chris how to play with some of my old trucks, and Hot Wheels. This was the first time Chris was really old enough to play with the really cool little kid toys, so it was the best time we had together. It was also a plus that I got to watch my aunt Carol change Chris’s diaper. I watched, and wished it could be me.

It turned out that Heather didn’t want to sleep in the crib. She preferred to sleep on floor, so the crib was moved back to our room. That night I fell asleep in a world of temptation. I could have easily taken one of Chris’s diapers, because they were in the room with us. I also thought about sleeping in the crib, but decided to dream about both.

That night turned out to be one of the nights I wet my bed. I woke up Tuesday morning, and my sheets were all wet. I felt kind of bad about, but mom just said "Good thing there was the sheet on the bed. Don’t worry, we’ll do laundry today anyway." I felt better, and forgot about it by the end of breakfast. An Accident while skiing

We went skiing that day, and I had an accident on the slopes. I wet my pants just after lunch, but didn’t tell anybody. I had a snowsuit on, so no one could tell. It was still damp when I got home. I took off my snowsuit, and it was easy to tell I had an accident. My pants had a big damp area that ran down both sides of my legs, starting right in the middle. The only way it could of happen was an accident, and everybody noticed it. The girls started laughing, and mom said "Mark, did you have an accident?"

"Yeah, it happened just after lunch." The girls were giggling, but they knew better than to say something mean.

"Why didn’t you tell me?"

"I didn’t want to stop skiing, and it didn’t bother me."

"Well, I think you’re old enough to know that you should tell me. I’m very disappointed in you. Go up and put those in the laundry room."

I could tell mom was mad at me for the rest of the night. She didn’t really say anything, but she looked mad. She almost said something when I got ready for bed, but then stopped. I wondered what she was going to say, but I didn’t ask her. I could tell that I stay clear of mom that night. The next morning I was wet again. It was rare for me to wet two nights in a row, and mom had to fight her disappointment. "Again uh, well, I guess we have to do laundry again anyway." It wasn’t the same level of sympathy I received the previous morning. Pull Ups in the Morning

I ate breakfast, and then got ready for another day of skiing. Just before I got dressed mom came into my room and said "I think you should wear Pull Ups today. You didn’t tell me that you had an accident, and you’ve wet your bed twice in a row." My instinct told me to protest, but in reality I was ecstatic. I hadn’t worn Pull Ups for two years, and they were almost like diapers. I also wouldn’t have to worry about people noticing, since they weren’t as noticeable.

"Do I have to?"

Yes you do, and I don’t want any pouting."

"But, I’m not a baby."

"Well, if that’s how you feel, than you should keep them dry." It wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement, and there wasn’t a lot of sympathy in mom voice. I could tell she was at her frustration point. I knew if things continued I may end up in diapers after all, which was frighteningly exciting.

The only people who knew that I had Pull Ups on was my mom, aunt Carol, and Chris. Before I left my mom for the day she told me "I don’t want you thinking that you can have an accident just because you’re in Pull Ups. I expect those to be dry at the end of the day." Everyone else awkwardly tried to ignore the previous day’s accident, and provide me with needed support to prevent a potential repeat.

I skied most of the day with my dad, and every few runs he would ask if I needed to go to the bathroom. Dad was always the most sympathetic towards my accidents. He wet his bed till he was twelve, and told me he used to have accidents till he was nine. Dad never got mad at me when I had an accident, and always tried to politely remind me that I needed to use the bathroom. Mom had to bite her tongue a lot, and sometimes couldn’t hide her frustration. She also used to publicly tell me to go to the bathroom, which got me really angry. It is so embarrassing when your ten-year-old and your mom orders you to go to the bathroom.

I really tried to stay dry, but I couldn’t avoid an accident. I barely remembered peeing, because the Pull Up absorbed most of the pee so quickly. I kind of remember feeling the pee leave my body, but wondered if I imagined it. I got home, and mom asked if I was dry.

"I think so," I said in a meek little voice. I wasn’t sure whether I really had an accident, and didn’t want to admit to being wet if I wasn’t.

"You don’t know, what are you? A baby."

"Well, I might have [wet], but I don’t think so."

My uncertainty did nothing to quell mom’s frustration with the situation. "Well, let’s see if you really did stay dry." I stripped down to my Pull Ups. It was the kind with Mickey Mouse, and Mickey Mouse disappears when they are wet. Mickey was gone, and mom felt my Pull Up. It was yellow from the urine, and still warm. It was also more than a little damp. It was obvious I had let quite a bit of pee into the Pull Up. Mom gazed at the bag of Pampers in the corner, and I could tell she was tempted to grab one for me. She held back, but said "Mark, this has got to stop. You’re ten-years-old now, and I know you can do better. Is something wrong? Do you feel ok?"

"I feel fine. I sometimes can’t tell when I need to go."

"I’ve heard this all before. Well, we aren’t going to ski the next two days, but on Saturday you’re going to have to wear Pull Ups again. I think you should also wear them at night for the rest of the week as well. Go take a bath, and clean up."

I felt awful letting my mom down. I really did try to keep my Pull Up, and didn’t know that I wet that much. I quietly played with the Chris for the rest of the day, and watched a movie that night. When it was time for us to go to bed, aunt Carol took both Chris and I to our rooms. I watched as she diapered Chris, and she handed me one of his Pull Ups. "Your mom wants you to wear one of these tonight. Don’t feel bad Mark, I know you will eventually stop. Your uncle wet his bed until he was your age, and I think your dad did also."

I felt bad that I let everyone down, but I didn’t feel bad about wearing the Pull Up. I hated waking up in wet beds, and wished I could wear them all the time. If mom asked me I would even tell her that I wanted to wear them. Aunt Carol tucked us in, and then Chris asked "Do you like wearing Pull Ups?"

I figured I could confide in my younger cousin, and had to tell someone, so I spilled my guts. "Yeah, I do. It kind of feels good."

"Yeah, I do to. I like diapers better, I hope I don’t ever stay dry. I almost never get to wear diapers at home, so I like it here."

"Yeah, I like diapers too, but I don’t get to wear them anymore."

"You should try one of mine." I thought about, and it seem like a good idea. I didn’t think aunt Carol would notice if one was missing. I got up and grabbed one of Chris’s diapers. I took off my pajamas, and put taped the diaper over my legs. I put my pajamas back on, and climbed back up to my bed. It felt good, but I didn’t get the diaper on as tight as I wanted. I felt great, but wanted the whole ball of wax. I looked at the crib, and wanted to test that out as well. I told Chris I was going to sleep in the crib, and climbed into the crib.

The noise, and climbing caused enough of a commotion to cause my mom to come into the room. I was lying in the crib when she was walked in. "Mark what you doing in the crib."

"I just want to try it out" I couldn’t think of anything else.

"Why?"

"I don’t know."

Rather than discuss with me, she just said "Well, get out of there, and go to bed." She didn’t even notice my diaper underneath my pajamas.

I eventually wet the diaper, on purpose, and put the wet diaper in the diaper pail. I put my Pull Up back on, and went back to sleep. I woke up, and once again I was wet. Mom had to bite her tongue, but didn’t really say anything. I took my soggy Pull Up off, and got dressed. The Surprise After Breakfast

Mom didn’t really say much to me during breakfast. After breakfast mom said "Mark, come with me." It was a stern voice, but I didn’t know what she was going to do. I followed her into my room, where she turned around and said "I know you want to wear diapers, but I want to hear it from you." I didn’t say anything, so you she said "it doesn’t matter. If you want to act like a baby, I’m going to treat you like a baby. First, I saw you in the crib last night, and then aunt Carol told me an extra diaper was used last night. Now, lie down on the bed."

"Why?"

"You’re wearing a diaper silly." I was shocked. All of the sudden I realized my dream of being diapered was finally going to happen, but it wasn’t a dream any more. At that time I would have done anything to get out of this, but mom wasn’t relenting. I begged and pleaded with her, but she insisted that I lay on the bed. I promised her that I would never ever do that again, but to no avail. I gave up, and laid down on the bed.

Mom pulled out one of Chris’s diapers. She lifted my bottom over the diaper, placing it underneath. I could hardly believe what was happening, and began to whimper. "Stop whimpering. Maybe next time you’ll think before you pull a stunt like that."

Mom made sure to put a full amount of baby powder all over my legs, and then pulled the Pamper up tight towards my stomach. She almost pulled the diaper up to my rib cage, and then fasten the tabs really tight. After I was diapered mom put my pants back on me, and I walked back into the living room. I scarcely remember the final words mom said as she patted me on my bottom. "Come get me if you need to go potty."

If it wasn’t so humiliating I might have enjoyed it. The diapers kind of felt nice as she pulled them up so tight, and I kind of like the crinkle sound the diapers made as I walked around the house. My sister Stephanie did notice something as I sat next to her watching TV The first thing out of Stephanie’s mouth was "You smell like a baby." Then after my diaper made the crinkle sound, she commented on the sound. I stayed silent, and nobody else said anything.

I spent almost four hours in the diaper that morning. It was Christmas Eve day, and we spent most of the day around the house. The men all watched a football game on television, while the kids were downstairs watching a movie. I spent most of the morning downstairs watching the movie. Three hours after mom put the diaper on me I made what turned out to be a monumental decision. We were in the middle of Men in Black, and I wanted to keep watching the movie. I also needed to pee, and that meant I had to tell mom. I chose to pee in my diaper instead, figuring mom would just yell at me. I let the warm liquid flow into my diaper. It felt so nice as the diaper soaked up the wetness.

The diaper did such a good job absorbing the urine that I didn’t even think about the wet diaper I was wearing. I really couldn’t feel it. After the movie we went back upstairs for some lunch. While eating lunch mom came up to me and said "Do you need to go potty?"

I knew I was in trouble, but I told her the truth. I didn’t need to go potty anymore, since I had already gone. "No."

"Wow, that’s almost four hours. That’s pretty good for you." I gave a guilty smile, and thanked god that I didn’t poo in my diaper.

After lunch we were preparing to go for one last trip to the grocery store. I was wanted to get out of the house, but of course didn’t want to go outside wearing a diaper. I also had to figure out what I was going to do about my diaper, which was now getting fairly damp. I had peed a few more times since the movie, and it was starting to leak a little. Finally mom tapped me on the shoulder and said "Let’s go downstairs, and take that diaper off."

Mom didn’t ask anything about it, and assumed it was still dry. "I think you’ve learned your lesson. Are you ready to be a big boy again?"

"Yes, I’m sorry."

"Ok. Get on the bed, and I’ll take off that diaper." I climbed up on the bed, wondering what was going to was going to happen. I pulled down my pants, and said "My god, you’ve peed in the diaper!" She sighed a few seconds, and then said "Why didn’t you tell me?"

"I thought you’d be mad."

"That’s no excuse. When did you do this?"

"During the movie." I admitted.

"Mark, that was an hour and half ago. Have you been walking around in a wet diaper for more than an hour?"

"Yes."

"Well, you can forget about being a big boy for awhile. We are going to store and buying you a package of your own diapers. You are staying in diapers until we get home, and then we will talk about it."

Mom put another diaper on me, and dressed me once again. She took me with her to the grocery store, along with Stephanie. Stephanie didn’t know what had happened, and mom didn’t say anything until we were in the middle of the diaper aisle. She grabbed a package of Pampers size 6, and put them in the cart.

"What are those for?" Stephanie asked.

"Well, your brother has decided to go back to diapers again."

"What do mean?"

"Well, last night I caught him climbing into the crib, and then aunt Carol found an extra diaper in the trash. This morning, as punishment I decided to put Mark in a diaper. He decided to go and wet the thing, and stay in it a full hour. So he is back in diapers, at least for the time being."

"I thought that’s what I heard. You mean he’s a baby again."

"Yep." Mom said all this with me in ear shot. I was so glad that she didn’t put me in the cart, but it was still embarrassing when the cashier rung up the diapers. The cashier was a professional, but did give me a look as she put them back into the cart.

Everyone else learned about my diapers when we got back. Mom made me carry them into the house. Karen and Rachel were playing right in front of the door to the garage, and noticed right away.

"Did mom need some more diapers?" Rachel asked.

"No, those are for Mark."

"They are!" Karen screamed.

"Yeah, looks like he will be needing them for awhile." Back Home

As mom had warned, I remained in the diapers for the rest of the trip. Mom meant it to be a punishment, but it turned out to be less of a punishment than she hoped. I think mom really wanted to treat me like a full baby, but she couldn’t really do that in front of all my cousins. Instead I was treated like a little kid, much like I was five. My diapers were changed in front of the whole family, but they all knew I had diapers after the first day. The most humiliating aspect was having Stephanie change my diapers, and even that wasn’t so bad after the first time.

By the time we got back home I had spent four days in diapers, and it wasn’t that bad after I got over the initial shock. I accepted diapers like it was a normal part of my life, something that mom wasn’t happy about.

I didn’t know what her plans for me were. I kind of figured my days in diapers were over once I got home. I was kind of sad, because by that Sunday I was getting to like them. I knew I had some extras, and hoped mom would not throw them away.

We got home just after dinner on Sunday, December 27th. I was a little bit surprised when mom put a new diaper on me that night, but I figured that was just because I had wet the bed so much. I was kind of happy, because maybe that meant I would be back in diapers at night. Wearing diapers at night was really all I wanted, since none of my friends would have to no.

The next morning I found out the truth. I got up the same time as usual. It was nearly 8 o’clock, and mom was ready for me. My diaper was wet again that morning, which I expected anyway. Mom picked me out of my bed, and said "Since you were a baby all last week, you’re going to be a baby all this week. You’re going to stay in diapers all week. You are going to take naps everyday, and are not allowed out of our sight. I don’t want you walking, I want you to crawl. The next three days I’m feeding you, and then you will be able to feed yourself in a high chair. You will only drink from a bottle, and you’re dad is making you a crib. After you’re dad is finished with the crib, you’re sleeping in it. Next week, I’m going to potty train you all over again. After that you will be a boy during the day, but every night for the next three months you’re sleeping in the crib. That means every single night at six o’clock you will be diapered, and remain in diapers until the next morning. Do you understand?"

"Yes, mom."

"That’s not what you call me. Call me mommy."

"Yes, mommy." That was the last big words mom said to me all week. For the rest of the week I was effectively a true baby. My dad is master handyman, and he had already rigged an old stool into a workable high chair. Mom spoon-fed me my breakfast while I sat in the high chair, and then gave me a bottle to drink. I tried to walk away from the table, but she swatted me "You have to crawl." I thought about rebelling, but every time I wandered from the path I was swatted. I slept most of that week, and when I was sleeping I played with baby toys. At first it was pretty cool, I could play baby all day long. Mom never yelled at me, but she didn’t really talk to me either. Everything was just baby talk, and I wasn’t allowed to talk at all. By the end of the week I was bored stiff, and couldn’t wait to begin potty training.

I didn’t know what to expect with potty training. Mom bought a potty chair, the same kind that I used when I was little. She bought it just after New Year, and showed it to me. "This is your new potty. Isn’t it nice."

The next Monday I got to try it out, sort of. I was thinking that mom would make me use the potty for a few days, and then everything would be back to normal. I was wrong. The first day I didn’t even get to take my diapers off. Mom let me play with it in the morning, and then I sat on it after lunch. I was still in my diaper, so my poop didn’t go into the toilet. Mom pretended to be so proud of me when I pooped while sitting on the toilet, and said "Now, when you poop, you poop in the toilet."

The next day she would bring me to the potty chair, which was in the corner of the kitchen, when I was about to go potty. It was exactly like I had been transported to three years old, only I was ten. After lunch she took off my diaper, and waited for me to poop in the toilet.

The next day I actually got to go with out a diaper for a little bit. After lunch mom took off my diaper, and let me wear ‘training pants’. They really were three pairs of underwear with a soaker sewn into the middle, which made them as thick as the diapers I was wearing. I managed to use the potty that afternoon, but went back to diapers for my nap. The next day I spent the whole day in the training pants, and mom watched me as I needed to go. I actually did need potty training, because I was used to diapers. Even with the constant supervision, I had one accident.

I wore Pull Ups all day Friday, and mom only kept a small eye on me. At this point we were facing a true deadline, since school started the next Monday. I was still in Pull Ups, and it didn’t look promising. I had a few accidents on Friday, and had four accidents on Saturday. After my fourth accident Saturday, mom decided I should go back to diapers for a while.

"I think we are going to hold off, and you can stay in diapers for a few months." Mom wasn’t mad, and she no longer treated me like a baby. She was acting like this was the most normal thing in the world. I suddenly realized what a few months in diapers would mean. I wasn’t a little kid anymore, I was in school. I was going to spend the next few months in diapers. That meant I would wear diapers at school, and not just one day. A few months. I couldn’t hide that from my friends, no matter how hide I tried. Back to school

I was so nervous that Monday. I couldn’t believe that I was going to have to go to school in diapers. I knew I had to be the only kid in fourth grade ever to wear diapers to school.

I initially thought about faking being sick, in hopes mom would let me stay home for the day. Of course that wouldn’t be a long term solution, but at this point I was just taking it one day at a time.

I was already awake when mom came into my room to get me out of bed. I just lied in bed, wondering how I was going to get out of this.

Mom was ready for me in the morning. She came in and turned on my lights. She immediately pulled off my covers, and put her hand on my soggy diaper.

"Well, your diaper is wet again. How are you doing sweetheart?"

"I don’t feel well."

"Oh, really. What’s a matter?"

"I think I’m sick. I think I have a fever."

She put her hand on my forehead, and said "You don’t feel hot. Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I feel sick to my stomach."

"You know what I think you’re just afraid. Don’t worry it won’t be as bad as you think. Let’s get that wet diaper off you, and you’ll feel better."

Mom handled my diapers like it was the most normal thing in the world. She had totally stopped treating like a baby. She would asked if I needed my diaper changed, and if I didn’t have a change for a long time she would stick her hand down my pants to check if my diaper was wet. On this morning she placed a change pad underneath my bottom, and then proceeded to pull down my pajamas. Once my pajamas were off, mom took off the soggy cloth diapers I was wearing, along with the rubber pants I had on. Once I was nude, mom used baby wipes, and completely cleaned the entire area, all the way down to my knees. It felt so strange to be lying there, as mom gave me a sponge bath. She didn’t seem to be annoyed with this in the least, it was just a fact that we had to deal with. Once I was clean, she rubbed some lotion, and then put baby powder on my legs. After the powder was on, she placed a Pamper diaper under my legs, and pulled it tightly around my legs.

I didn’t complain about this, because I knew I had no choice. I had my chance, and blew it. When she put the rubber pants over my diaper I cried out. "Mom, do I have to wear those?"

"I’m afraid so, I don’t want your diaper to leak when your at school."

I put some underwear over my rubber pants, and then put my pants over everything. The rubber pants could be seen over my diapers, but they did muffle the crinkly sound coming from my diapers. Other than the fact that I was heavily padded, it was hard to tell that I had a diaper on. When I went down for breakfast Stephanie saw me, and said "I thought he was supposed to wear a diaper today."

I was about to say something when she looked down, and said "Oh, he is wearing a diaper. I couldn’t tell until I look closely." Stephanie had gotten over teasing me, and now could care less that I had a diaper on.

I ate my breakfast slowly, because I really didn’t want to go to school. I played with my food, and mom started to get mad at me. "Mark, hurry up and eat your breakfast, we don’t want to be late." I ignored her request, and continued to play with my food. A few minutes later mom admonished me again, and I continued to eat slowly. Finally mom got really mad and said "Mark, if you don’t stop playing with you food I’m going to put you in the highchair, and feed you myself. And don’t think I’ll just do it for breakfast, you’ll eat like that for a week." That was enough threat for me, and I started to eat my breakfast for real.

After I finished my breakfast I tried to get out of going to school again. "Mom, do I have to go to school?"

"Yes, you’re not sick, so you’re going to school."

"But, do I have to wear diapers."

"Well, I don’t know how else your going to be able to go, since you’re not potty trained."

Those words really hit hard, since I knew that’s how mom really felt. This wasn’t a punishment being force upon me, I really was in diapers because my mom didn’t believe I could use the toilet. My mom, at least acted like, believed I really did need this diapers.

Mom drove the three of us to school. I sat in the backseat, feeling like a condemned man heading for prison. Mom parked the car, and walked with me to my class. We were early, and mom met with my teacher. The three of us walked into my classroom, where my mom started to talking to Mrs. Parker, my teacher.

Mom already knew Mrs. Parker well, since she was Stephanie’s 2nd grade teacher, and then again in 4th grade. Mom and Mrs. Parker exchanged pleasantries, and talked about their vacations, and then mom talked to Mrs. Parker about me.

"Well, Mark had a little problem this Christmas."

"What was that?"

"On our ski trip he started having a lot of potty accidents, and we had to put him in diapers. We tried to get him ready for school last week, but I’m afraid he still had those accidents. We had no other choice but to keep him in the diapers, so he is going to be in diapers for a few weeks."

"Is there any medical concerns?"

"Not that I can tell, it just a relapse. We aren’t sure why. I’m wondering how the school usually handles such situations."

"You know I don’t know, but I know there is a procedure. What do you need?"

"Well, I’m hoping that he can make it through the day with only one change, but we need some one to change him. I’m also worried about messy diapers, especially while in the classroom."

"Well, I’ve had a few times where I needed to change students diapers. When I was teaching 2nd grade it was common for students to wear diapers on field trips. I can probably take care of any changes during recess. As far as messy accidents, it is probably best to talk with the school secretary, but I would wait until school starts so you can talk in private."

"Well, there is two diapers in his backpack, along with some wipes." Mom turned to me, and kissed me on the forehead. "Have a good day honey, and be good."

I didn’t want mom to tell Mrs. Parker, but after it was done I was relieved. Mrs. Parker was a really nice teacher, who wouldn’t let anyone tease me if she could help it. Having her know meant I wasn’t alone at school.

After mom left Mrs. Parker talked to me about my diapers. "Don’t worry Mark, I’m sure you aren’t the only 4th grader to wear diapers to school."

"I’m not."

"Sure, lot’s of kids have problems."

"Do you know any now?"

"Well, no, but there are at least six kids in this class who wet their beds, probably more."

"How do you know?"

"well, their parents have told me."

"Who?"

"I’m not going to tell you that, because it wouldn’t be fair for those children anymore than if I told them about you."

"I guess you’re right."

"Well, we are going to need a discreet signal, so the whole class doesn’t have to find out. Do you know of anything?"

"No, I don’t." My mind was numb, and thinking of anything didn’t seem possible.

"I know, why don’t you just raise one finger, and I’ll know you need a change."

"Ok."

"If it is really bad, and needs to be changed right away just walk to the office, and Mrs. Robinson will take care of you. If it can wait, just hang back and I’ll take you into my office and change you there. If you feel like pooping, just ask me to go to the bathroom, and see Mrs. Robinson. Be careful not to mess your diaper in front of the whole class, but if you do act like you farted."

Having Mrs. Parker say fart seemed really funny. Mrs. Parker didn’t say things like that often, but sometimes she tried to connect with her students. I knew right away that Mrs. Parker wasn’t going to make a big deal about this.

I still worried about my friends finding out I had a diaper on, so I remained quiet most of the first period. I made it all the way to recess without wetting my diaper, but I did pee between recess and lunch. I really was trying to make it all the way through the day without going potty, but I knew that wasn’t possible. I didn’t even feel myself having to pee, the pee just started by itself. I realized that if I wasn’t in diapers I would have wet my pants.

Mrs. Parker waited until we were going to lunch, and then took me aside. She said "Mark, do you need your diaper changed?"

"Yeah, I wet it during math."

"Well, get behind the class, and I’ll change your diaper after everyone goes to lunch."

I waited until everyone else had left for lunch, and then Mrs. Parker said "Let’s get you in a clean diaper."

I was so surprised how Mrs. Parker was treating this. She wasn’t acting like it was a big deal. Mrs. Parker took me to the library area of our classroom, and I laid down on the mats we had. She undid my pants, and untaped my wet diaper. The diaper was really wet, and Mrs. Parker said "Boy, you sure did a number on this diaper, good thing you didn’t wet your pants." She gently placed the clean diaper under my bottom, and then pulled the tabs just as tight as my mom did. I could tell she had done this before.

After she was done I felt bad, because she had to change my diaper. I meekly turned to her and said "I’m sorry you had to change my diaper Mrs. Parker."

"Don’t be silly Mark. It really wasn’t a bother. I’ve changed lots of diapers, and I don’t mind. Besides it’s much nicer than dealing with wet pants, don’t you agree?"

"I guess so, but I wish I didn’t have to wear these."

"I know you do, but you’ll be through before you know it."

"I hope so."

I left the class feeling better about myself, and a lot more secure about my diapers. I still feared people finding out, but I no longer felt really guilty about wearing them. In fact, I liked the feeling of the diapers, and would have missed that it I didn’t wear them. I also was beginning to like the security that diapers gave me, since I was no longer subject to having accidents. Stephanie changes my diaper

I was lucky, and didn’t need a change for the rest of the day. I made it all the way through school without needing Mrs. Parker, or the office to change my diaper. My diaper was a little wet by the time mom picked us up from school, but it wasn’t so bad that it couldn’t wait till we got home. On the way home my bowels began to work, and I felt the urge to poop. I knew mom wasn’t going let me use the bathroom, which meant I had to go in my diaper.

I had gotten totally used to peeing in my diaper, and had very little control over my bladder. My bladder let go when ever it wanted to, and I would wet in almost any situation. Every once in awhile I could feel the urge before I peed, but a lot of the time I didn’t know until I actually starting peeing.

Pooping was another issue. I only pooped about once a day, and unless I had diarrhea I had to squat to poop. It was really easy for everyone to tell that I needed to poo, and they would prepare.

I started to squirm in the car, and Karen was the first to notice. "Mark, are you pooping?"

"No!" I retorted back to my little sister. I didn’t like everyone know that I was pooping in my diaper, and especially if it was my little sister. Stephanie turned back, she was sitting in the front, and said "It sure looks like you’re pooping."

At that point I began to poop, and with in a few moments the smell began to go through the car. Mom answered "Well, I think you’ve already pooped in the diaper. I’m glad we are close to home, or I would have to stop the car and change you on the road."

The thought of having my diaper changed in the car on the side of the road was a terrible thought, and for a moment I was relieved we were entering our neighborhood.

Once we drove into the house I knew mom was going to change my diaper, but I didn’t expect her to have Stephanie watch. Mom turned to Stephanie, and said "This is a good time to show you how to change his diapers."

Stephanie didn’t like the idea of changing my diapers, and I must admit I was less than thrilled of the prospect. Stephanie moaned back "What do you mean I have to change his diapers?"

"Well, Mark’s going to be in diapers for a while, and we need you to help around the house. We are going to give you an increase in your allowance, but that means you’re going to have to take care of the diapers when we need you too."

I of course didn’t like the idea of my older sister seeing me naked, let alone change my diapers, and immediately filed a protest. "Mom, I don’t want Karen to change my diapers, why can’t you do it?"

"Yeah, why can’t you do it?"

"Listen, you’re father and I are very busy, and a lot of the time we won’t be able to change your diapers. Stephanie, you’re old enough to start helping with the bigger chores, and I expect you to lend us a helping hand with things you can handle. I think you can handle this, and we need your help. There is no debate, Stephanie is going to change your diapers."

Mom took me into my bedroom, and had me lie down on my bed. She put the change pad on my bed, and then told me to lie down on the pad. Mom took her time, telling Stephanie every step she needed to change my diapers.

"The first thing you need to do is place the change pad on his bed, that way we have an easy clean up in case of leaks. This is especially true when it is a poopy diaper, like this one."

"Do I have to change his stinky diapers also?"

"Yes, that’s all part of the deal. Now, changing wet diapers is easier, because the wet diapers are cleaner. When it is a wet diaper you only have wipe down the area, to make sure he doesn’t get a rash. In this case, you have to make sure all the poop is clean from his bottom. So, hold his legs up like this." Mom was holding my legs up in one hand, and wiping my bottom with the other. "And wipe his bottom until it is clean. After you clean his bottom, than you put he lotion. This helps keep rashes from getting bad. After the lotion, than make sure an put plenty of powder. It helps keep his bottom dry, and makes him smell really nice. Now, if we are going to be around the house we want to use the cloth diapers, with rubber pants. They’re cheaper, but harder to change. Today, Mark might be leaving the house, so I’m going to put a Pamper on him. I’ll show you how to put the cloth diaper on when we change him tonight. In this case, all we do is spread out the Pamper, and put it underneath his bottom. Then we pull the diaper back to the top, and make sure the tabs on tight"