    Drew Barrymore and the Shawshank Redemption
    By: Zac G.

    Introduction

    	By looking at the title of this story, the average
    person will have one question they'd like answered before
    they read any further. That question, of course, would be:
    what the hell is this story? This story is many things. It
    is part satire, part drama, and part fantasy. It's only
    real purpose is to entertain, not maintain credibility down
    to the last detail or convey any sort of message.
    	I'm sure everyone will recall a movie not too long ago
    by the name of The Shawshank Redemption, and many of you
    have probably seen it. It won no Oscars, but it was a
    success nonetheless, as was the Stephen King novel upon
    which it was based. That book/movie was an emotionally
    charged prison drama about the trials of one man's life.
    	This story is something else entirely. It falls under
    the category of fan fiction (where a person takes a popular
    book or movie and does his or her rendition of it, not
    necessarily copyright infringement but a show of
    appreciation for a particular work), but isn't really meant
    to be taken seriously. It is about life at the infamous
    Shawshank Academy, a school that handles children that are
    disciplinary problems (the school's motto seems to be that
    the proper punishment is the solution to everything). More
    specifically, it is about longtime Shawshank attendee Red
    and his friendship with peculiar newcomer Andy. The story
    is fairly twisted, and has elements of abuse, profanity,
    vulgarity, violence, and sexual innuendo. If this offends
    you, don't read. And above all, don't take it seriously.
    Like I said, it is meant to entertain. Enjoy.

    Chapter 1

    	Andy rode to the top of the hill and stopped. He
    looked keenly at the house, and smiled so wickedly it
    resembled a snarl. They were there all right. Andy could
    here them. They were inside, probably just watching a movie
    or something, and they were laughing. Then again, it could
    be something else entirely they were laughing about. They
    could be laughing at him. Andy wasn't about to stand for
    that. He would make both of them pay.
    	Linda had been Andy's friend all his life. They played
    together, went to school together, and remained friends as
    they grew. Recently, however, they had been more then that.
    They were getting older now (they were over a decade), and
    each of them was undergoing changes. These changes were
    attributed to things called hormones, and hormones made one
    do all kinds of stupid things, like fall in love. That was
    exactly what happened between Andy and Linda. They had been
    going steady for months now, and while they rarely did
    anything outside of talk, hold hands, and occasionally
    kiss, Andy thought it was the greatest thing in his life.
    	Then summer came along, and with it the desire to be
    outdoors. Linda had shown some interest in playing softball
    for the girl's Little League team, and she wanted Andy to
    teach her how to play. Andy couldn't swing to save his life
    (athletics were one of his few shortcomings), so he asked
    his friend Glenn for help. Glenn happened to be quite good
    at sports, if nothing else, and showed Linda everything she
    wanted to know.
    	As time went by, Glenn and Linda became good friends,
    and Andy noticed that she spent more time with Glenn then
    she did with him. Andy was starting to wonder if they were
    becoming more then friends. One day, after Linda said she
    was going shopping, he followed her on his bike and found
    her at Glenn's house. He talked to her later about it and
    they had a big argument and broke up.
    	That was two weeks ago. It was now late August, and he
    had been feeling terrible. Terrible enough to do something
    drastic. Earlier that day, he had snuck into his dad's
    study (his dad was on a business trip) and taken two items.
    One was a bottle of whiskey. Andy knew that drinking was a
    bad thing, but he also knew that people always looked like
    they were having fun when they were drunk, and he really
    needed to have some fun. Andy took a sip and promptly spit
    it out. It tasted terrible and burned his throat. He forced
    himself to drink a little more and gulped it down. He began
    to feel weird, almost dizzy. It was doing something all
    right.
    	The other item Andy took was his dad's Louisville
    slugger baseball bat. His dad had it for a long time and
    Andy figured it might be worth something. Of course, to him
    it had always been just another piece of wood. He would
    never be able to use the bat to hit a baseball. A baseball,
    after all, was too small of a target. But somebody's head,
    on the other hand, was much bigger. And now Andy will show
    both of them that maybe he wasn't that bad at baseball
    after all.
    	Andy took one final swig of the revolting drink, and
    held it in his mouth for a moment before spitting it out.
    He hated it and knew drinking anymore wouldn't be good for
    him. Andy needed to be in good health for the task he was
    about to perform. Clutching the bat tightly, he walked up
    to the house.

    Chapter 2

    	"Your Andrew Dufresne," said the man with gray hair
    and a well worn suit. The sign above his door identified
    him as a doctor, but he was unlike any other doctor Andy
    had seen before. "Sit down, Andy. I'm here to help you."
    Somehow, Andy doubted that, but he sat nonetheless.
    	"Before I can do anything, I need to get the facts
    straight," said the psychiatrist. "What you did was wrong.
    I'm sure you know that by now. But not only was it wrong, I
    also think it was something you might have planned ahead of
    time. Consider this, Andy: you hit each of them 4 times.
    Not once, not twice, not 10 times, but exactly 4 times.
    What is it about the number 4?"
    	"It's my favorite number, I guess," Andy said, not
    amused. He felt very insulted.
    	"You took a bottle of whiskey and a baseball bat from
    your dad's study, and at 8:00 PM, you went for a little
    bike ride. Correct thus far?"
    	"Yes."
    	"You rode up to Glenn Quentin's house, where you knew
    that Linda and Glenn would be. You also knew that Glenn's
    mother was across the street baby-sitting."
    	"So?"
    	"So you walked up to the house and used the bat to
    break the sliding glass door. When Glenn and Linda went to
    investigate the noise, you assaulted them 8 times. You did
    it so quickly and so viscously that neither of them saw it
    coming, and were subsequently able to identify you."
    	"No," Andy said calmly but with a hint of argument in
    his voice. "No. I wasn't feeling good all day. I was
    starting to feel better right about then."
    	"Right," said the doctor with a smirk. "And you
    persist that you didn't do anything. You told your parents
    you threw the bottle on the ground and the bat in the river
    then rode home. They found the bottle, right near Glenn's
    house, but they weren't able to find the bat."
    	"That's the way it happened," Any answered, flashing
    his own smirk.
    	"Awfully convenient, don't you think?"
    	"Actually, it's pretty inconvenient," said Andy. "See,
    I didn't do anything. If they found the bat, that would
    have cleared my name."
    	"Were you angry at Linda?"
    	"Yes. After I found out, I was."
    	"What happened after you found out?"
    	"We had an argument. She said she was glad I knew,
    because she'd much rather hang out with a cool guy like
    Glenn then a geek like me. She also asked not to see me
    again."
    	"According to a neighbor, you said you'd see her in
    hell before you saw her in Glenn's arms again."
    	"That sounds about right."
    	The doctor looked over his notes, then looked back at
    Andy. "Son, I don't believe you realize how much trouble
    you're in," he said sternly. "You have been accused of
    beating up 2 kids. Thankfully, they're still alive, though
    badly hurt. Lt. Michner of the police wants to send you to
    jail. I was asked to step in and take a look at you, to
    find, supposedly that you are an impressionable young man
    who would not commit such a heinous act. Frankly, I haven't
    gotten that impression. You strike me as a very bitter and
    cold hearted child, Andy, and it is my recommendation that
    you seek a bit of an attitude adjustment at Shawshank
    Academy. It will be for the better."
    	Andy again displayed that semi-snarl. He was busted
    for a crime, that according to him, he didn't commit.
    Unfortunately, nobody, not even his own parents, believed
    him. Now he was going to Shawshank. Andy didn't know how
    lucky he was. If he were a year or two older and the state
    laws allowed it, he wouldn't have been headed to prison on
    a verdict of assault, and he wouldn't have lasted until
    winter.

    Chapter 3

    	At about the same time Andy was having a sit-down with
    a shrink, I was getting my own head checked halfway across
    the state. I was in the presence of Shawshank's school
    therapist, and it was time for the yearly evaluation (or as
    I called it the yearly rejection).
    	"Ellis Redding," said the therapist. "Would I be
    correct in saying you've been here for 7 years?"
    	"Yes sir," I answered.
    	"Do you feel that you have learned anything?"
    	"Yes sir," I repeated. "Absolutely. I know what I did
    was wrong and I'll never do it again. I'm no danger to
    anyone, especially not myself."
    	I wasn't surprised when it was marked on my sheet that
    I was still a behavioral problem. I'd been in for
    evaluation 6 times before, and each time I had been turned
    down. It's no surprise really. The more kids the therapist
    turns down, the more that will still be in attendance at
    Shawshank. Thus, the more money the school gets and the
    more this guy will get paid. It's a perfect system for
    everyone except for the kids and their parents, but I've
    long since outgrown heartbreak.
    	I walked back out to the playground where a couple of
    friends were waiting for me. They already knew I was turned
    down, and they took a little sympathy for an 'old timer'
    like me.
    	"Tough break, Red," said Floyd.
    	"I got rejected last week," said Billy Haywood. "Those
    bastards."
    	"Got you a little rejection present," said Floyd. He
    passed me a Hershey's bar, and although it was melting, I
    took it gratefully.
    	"Thanks," I said.
    	"No problem considering all the times you hooked us
    up," said Billy.
    	There must be a kid like me at every school in
    America. I'm the kid who can get it for you. Candy bars,
    video games, Playboy magazines, baseball cards if you like
    to collect them. Anything for a price. Yeah, I'm a regular
    JC Penney. That's why when Andy Dufresne came to me in
    early 1995 and asked me to smuggle in Drew Barrymore, I
    told him no problem.
    	"Taking bets today?" asked Floyd.
    	"Sure," I said. "Cash or candy?"
    	"Candy," everyone answered simultaneously.
    	Today was Orientation Day, and the arrival of the new
    recruits. We always took bets on who would break down
    first. Yeah, it's sick, but in a place like this you have
    to do something for fun. And somebody always broke down.
    That was also the day Andy Dufresne came. He was about 11
    at the time (the time being the summer of 1994). I'll have
    to admit, when I first met him, I thought a strong breeze
    could knock this kid over. He was tall for his age, but he
    was scrawny as hell. He also had the look of a sucker, and
    in this place, a look like that could get you killed. On
    the outside, Andy had been a straight A student and winner
    of many science fairs. Though none of that made him
    popular, it wasn't bad for a kid his age. I didn't see any
    of that of course. All I saw was 2 free candy bars.
    	As the rickety old bus pulled up to the front of the
    campus, the crowd on the playground grew larger. Staff
    gathered around as well, ready to receive their newest
    charges. The bus came to a stop, and the door opened. Byron
    Hadley, the toughest screw in the entire place took his
    position by the door. Out walked a short, pudgy teenager.
    	"You understand English?" asked Hadley. The kid
    nodded. "Then start marching!"
    	He did and gradually others filed out of the bus as
    well. They looked more like lost animals then kids.
    	"Aright," said Billy. "Put me down for that fat-ass,
    the third from the front."
    	"You're crazy," said Floyd.
    	"Pick something better then," Billy retorted.
    	"I'll take that tall lanky bastard," I said, pointing
    at Andy.
    	"Now who's crazy," Billy said mocking.
    	"Who's going to prove me wrong?" I retorted. "You?
    Floyd? Blue? Jesse? You chumps are down some candy." How
    wrong I was.

    Chapter 4

    	We were ordered back to our dorms while the new
    recruits were brought into the auditorium for orientation.
    I had to feel a little sympathy at that point. Orientation
    scares some kids shitless for the rest of their lives.
    	Once they were all inside, Hadley yelled at them to
    shut the hell up. He enforced his point by brining out his
    oak paddle and flashing it in the air. Everyone quieted
    down real quick. Though he was only maybe 19, nobody messed
    with Byron Hadley, no matter how old they were. He was the
    meanest son of a bitch I've ever met. He'd hit first and
    ask questions later. He had no cheerful side to him. And as
    Shawshank's head of security, he fit his job perfectly.
    	Sam Norton was no better. Norton was the principal at
    Shawshank, and he ran everything. The guy wasn't as mean or
    cold hearted as Hadley, but he was just as dangerous.
    Norton was guilty of the grandest hypocrisy. He was a
    religious and well respected man, worthy of praise by
    parents for his desire to embitter the children of America.
    Inside of course, all he cared about was that he was the #1
    man and nobody could touch him. The new recruits were about
    to meet the real Samuel Norton.
    	"Greetings, new students," he said. "My name is Samuel
    Norton, and you are now my responsibility. You have been
    identified as having behavioral problems, and during your
    stay here, those problems will be remedied. You won't leave
    here until they are. I have 2 simple rules. The first is no
    cursing or blasphemy. I will not have God's name forsaken.
    The second is that you fulfill requests as they are given.
    Any questions?"
    	"Yeah," answered one unfortunate soul. Anybody dumb
    enough to ask a question like that after meeting Norton or
    Hadley deserved what he got, I suppose. "I'm starving. When
    the hell do we eat?"
    	"Mr. Hadley here is the head of security," said
    Norton. "He will answer your question. Byron, if you
    please."
    	Hadley scowled and advanced towards the inquisitor. He
    then brought the paddle down upon the kid's head, causing
    him to yelp in pain. "You eat when we say you eat, you
    little punk!"
    	Following this ordeal, all fell silent. I remember the
    next part was always the toughest. They made you take off
    all your clothes and be examined by the grisly old nurse,
    an embarrassing experience for most anyone. You were then
    ordered to shower, and I swear to God they actually checked
    to make sure you were clean. After that, if your hair was
    excessively long or dyed some absurd color, they cut it for
    you. Lastly, you were given your uniforms, and there was
    where the real terror struck in.
    	The school uniform was simple: a pair of black slacks,
    a white shirt, a school tie, and a diaper. Yeah, you heard
    me right, a diaper. Norton had his own little explanation
    for this. "Public school bathrooms have become a haven for
    narcotics users, bullies and those who would mistreat
    themselves. We had facilities here at Shawshank for a short
    while, but they fell to ruin quickly, as you young people
    are incapable of keeping them clean and sanitary. Thus, I
    believe diapers to be a sound and practical solution to the
    problem, as well as a tool for shaping your behavior."
    	As eloquently as he put it, there were still a lot of
    moans and groans. Nobody wanted to wear a diaper. "All
    right," Hadley said after Norton had disappeared. "Here's
    the deal: your each going to shut your hole, take that
    diaper and put it on right now. Otherwise, we'll come over
    there and put it on you and kick your asses in the
    process."
    	This got a couple of kids moving. Most were
    inexperienced and fumbled with the tapes,. "Excuse me, Mr.
    Hadley," said one kid. "But I don't know how to do this."
    	Hadley frowned, then snorted a disgusting laugh. He
    grabbed the kid and threw him over his knee. Hadley paddled
    the kid's behind then threw him down on the floor.
    Clutching the kid's feet with one hand, he slid the diaper
    under him with the other and pinned it tightly shut. He
    then slid on some thick plastic pants and smacked the kid
    on the thigh.
    	"Anybody else need help with their didees."
    	After everyone was adequately padded, Hadley gave more
    orders. "These diapers stay on; you don't take them off for
    nothing. We got stuck with the lousy job of changing you
    but we'll do it as long as we're getting paid. So don't you
    try and think about changing yourselves. You got that?"
    	There were whispers as everyone finished dressing and
    marched over to their bunks. Life at Shawshank had
    officially begun.

    Chapter 5

    	That night was when hell really broke loose for
    newcomers. We all had our diapers changed, and were ordered
    back to our dorms. Perhaps I should tell you exactly what a
    dorm is at Shawshank. A dorm is a dark, dank drab room that
    houses up to 8 kids at a time. Instead of beds, there are
    cribs. Once we are diapered, we are tossed in our cribs for
    the night and not let out until morning. That was the way
    it went. Also, each dorm contained a long table where we
    were to do our work. Not desks, but a table. Any book or
    material we wanted to use, we had to first sign out. No
    toys, no privileges unless we earned them. I say it again,
    that was simply the way it went.
    	The newbies were always put in solo dorms the first
    night, specifically to avoid the encounter I'm about to
    describe. Unfortunately for them it did little good.
    Anyway, as soon as the screws (excuse me, 'faculty') called
    lights out and walked away, we went fishing. We'd all
    clamor and holler and try to get the attention of the new
    guys. Sometimes, we'd make threats, other times we'd
    pretend to make homosexual passes. Either way somebody
    always broke down.
    	"Hey," they called. "Hey fattie! I bet you'd make a
    real big load in your didees. Bet you already did. I can
    smell ya from here!"
    	"Hey fat-ass," called Heywood. Remember now that
    Heywood had a bet down on this guy. "Don't listen to them.
    This place ain't all bad. I'll introduce you around. In
    fact, I know a couple of fellas who'd just love to make
    your acquaintance."
    	That was all that it took. The fat kid started
    blubbering and crying, and the place erupted into yelling
    and laughter. "We have a winner!" said Heywood. "It's fat-
    ass by his diapered tail!"
    	Just then Hadley and his crew burst in and everyone
    quieted down. "What in Christ is this shit?!" he demanded
    to know.
    	"I'm tellin' Mr. Norton on you," said one kid. "You
    took the Lord's name in vain."
    	"Yeah, you'll be telling them about the paddle up your
    ass."
    	"Please," said the fat kid, whimpering. "I don't
    belong here. Not like this, not diapered like a little
    baby. Please, I'll be good. I'll be good."
    	"I'm not gonna count to 3," said Hadley, approaching
    his crib. "I'm not even going to count to 1. You will shut
    the fuck up or I will sing you a lullaby."
    	"You don't understand! There's been a mistake....'
    	"All right, open the crib," Hadley commanded. Once the
    crib was unlocked, Hadley dragged the poor kid out by his
    ear. He threw him face down onto the floor, and pulled off
    his diapers. Hadley became even more disgusted when he saw
    the kid had wet them. "Pants-pissin little brat," he
    muttered, as he paddled the kid's bottom. "Didn't your
    momma teach you better, you fat maggot."
    	Judging from the sound of his screaming, Hadley
    spanked that kid until his bottom was blistered, maybe even
    bleeding. "All right," he said with authority when he was
    done. "Take him down to the nurse. And if I hear so much as
    a fart in here, the rest of you will be following him down
    there, I swear!" We all shut up and hit the sack. All
    except me. I wasn't too upset; I'd seen Hadley beat dozens
    of kids. What bothered me was that Andy Dufresne had cost
    me some major candy and he hadn't even said a word.

    Chapter 6

    	The next day we assembled in the cafeteria for lunch.
    Lunch usually consisted of some hard, grayish-green
    thoroughly inedible piece of meat accompanied by lumpy
    potatoes and some putrid vegetable. To drink, there was
    pasty gray skim milk. Yuck. And parents are paying for
    this? Oh, if only they knew.
    	I noticed Andy was sitting at a table all by himself,
    but didn't say anything to him. I was far more concerned
    about Billy Heywood and the candy we all owed him.
    Nonetheless, I did notice Andy found a worm in his food. He
    held it up, ready to chuck it across the room when brooks
    Hatlen approached him. Brooks was about 75 years old, and a
    former graduate of this place back when it started. He has
    worn diapers all his life and is also our librarian and
    janitor.
    	"Are you going to eat that?" he asked Andy.
    	"Wasn't planning on it," Andy answered. Brooks took
    the worm and fed it to his pet bird, Jake.
    	"Jake says thanks," Brooks told him. "He fell out of
    his nest and I'm taking care of him." Brooks was a
    peculiar, lonely old man, but we all sort of looked up to
    him.
    	"Oh God, here he comes," said Floyd. I glanced over
    and say Billy sit down beside me.
    	"Good day, y'all," he said. "And a really good day for
    me," he chuckled. "Come on, spread em out." We all laid out
    our candy. "Damn I'm good, picking the winner like that.
    Too bad your guy came in last, Red. You know, I think I owe
    that kid something when he gets back from the nurse."
    	"Why not give him some of your candy?" I asked.
    	"Shut your diapered ass up," he retorted. "Hey Tyrell.
    You still working in the nurse's office?"
    	"Yeah."
    	"How's the boy doing?"
    	"He's gone, man. Hadley hurt him pretty bad and he
    kept whining for his parents. Well, they got down hear and
    pulled him out, Norton made up some bullshit excuse and now
    he's at military school."
    	Just then, Andy opened his mouth. "Does anybody know
    his name?"
    	"What does it matter, new kid," asked Billy hostile.
    "He's gone."
    	After lunch, we were all given a chance to shower. It
    was supervised, of course, but it still let us feel a
    little more clean and a little more human. We were marched
    back to our dorms, where we had our stinking, sagging
    diapers removed. We were then marched bare naked, sometimes
    without being properly wiped into the showers and they
    blasted the hot water on. We were given only a certain
    amount of time to wash, and wash we did. Of course, we had
    to keep our guards up. A lot of kids around here are jerks
    or fags and are into towel-snapping and the like. One of
    these kids made a pass at Andy.
    	"Hey," he said. "Did anybody get to you yet?" No
    answer. "Hey, don't be like that. You know, it's a big
    place. We all need friends in here." Nothing. "I could be
    your friend." Andy turned to walk away. "Hey, I bet you
    look real cute in just your diaper." Andy was gone. "Hard
    to get. I like that." Such was Boggs Diamond, our resident
    bully next to Byron Hadley and one of the lowest forms of
    life on the Earth. I personally thought he belonged in
    prison, but he somehow wound up here.
    	Anyway, when we returned to our dorms, we were re-
    diapered and sent to class. It felt refreshing to feel that
    thick mass of dry cotton next to your skin after a shower.
    In fact, diapers weren't at all bad once you got used to
    them. It took a place like Shawshank to make them bad. As I
    sat through math class, I kept on getting more and more
    curious about Andy Dufresne.