Then the TV started to jump to different
celebrations all over so we stopped watching. Mark switched over to some
black and white movie about some orphan kid who mucks up life for hundreds of
other orphan kids. It was ok but kind of sappy.
His reply was to snuggle his forehead against my
neck. That is how he fell asleep.
I watched the movie while I waited to be sure Sean
was totally asleep before motioning to Mark to get his attention. When Mark
looked at me I put a single finger to my lips to indicate that I didn’t
want him to make any noise and risk waking up Sean.
Ever so gently, I managed to slide out from under
Sean. He sort of slumped over sideways with his head resting on the cushion
of the couch.
“I don’t know! Think of something!
You’re supposed to be the smart one here!” I said.
“I am?” He said appearing truly
surprised by my comment.
“Uh yeah!” I whispered.
Mark beamed as he put a finger to his head like he
was really trying to think hard.
“I got it!” he said just a little too
loudly.
“Idiot? But you just said I was
smart!” Mark protested.
“Yeah, well maybe I was wrong! Now shut up
and think of a good prank!” I said with a threatening whisper.
“Do you have any more of that stuff that you
gave to Damien that made him poop so much?” Mark asked.
“Nah and besides, Sean is sleeping.
We’d have to get him to drink it without waking up.” I said.
“What?” I asked with a growing grin.
That one threw me, “Huh?” I grunted.
“Well, we could carefully pull open the back
of his diaper and pore in the instant pudding. As the diaper gets wet the
pudding mix will be activated and it will be like he pooped.” Mark said
rubbing his hands together like some mad cartoon bad guy.
Without saying a word I scrambled to my feet and
slipped into the kitchen; Mark followed right behind me. Sure enough I found
two boxes of banana, a box of butterscotch and a box of chocolate instant
pudding. I immediately dismissed the banana pudding and held up the other two
boxes.
“Butterscotch or chocolate?” I asked.
“Uh, I think both!” Mark giggled.
Now coming up with the idea turned out to be the
easy part of the prank, because every time we would pull even the slightest
bit on the back of Sean’s diaper he would act like he was about to wake
up. We tried several times and we were both getting frustrated when Sean
suddenly rolled right over and snuggled up against me. I think at first Mark
and my hearts stopped but we quickly realized that Sean was still out cold.
To make it even better, the way he was leaning against me made it so easy for
me to reach down with my left arm and hold the back of Sean’s diaper
open.
First Mark pored in the butterscotch pudding so
incredibly slowly. Sean didn’t budge or make a sound. Then in went the
chocolate pudding just as easily and just as slowly.
With both packages of pudding down the back of
Sean’s Diaper I told Mark to take the evidence back to the kitchen and
hid it under some of the trash that was already in the trashcan. All the way
into the kitchen Mark was giggling so hard he could hardly walk which was
making me giggle. We both tried so hard to keep our giggles silent but it was
just so difficult to do.
Eventually Sean rolled off of me and I took the
opportunity to get into my sleeping bag. Mark was already in his and still
giggling but each time he’d start giggling again he’d bury his
face in his pillow.
Amazingly, the two of us finally fell to sleep too
and slept all the way through the night. Unfortunately, we both slept too
soundly because we didn’t hear Sean wake up before us. It was a little
after five in the morning when unbeknownst to Mark and I, Sean woke up,
discovered what we’d done and then went to take a shower. But that
wasn’t the end of it, not even close.
When Sean was done with his shower he got dressed
and then he got even; and he had help. My dad has always been an early bird;
he’s usually up before 5:00 AM. New Years morning was no different.
When Sean returned from taking a shower he found
my dad sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and reading the morning
paper. He told my dad what we’d done to him, I guess Sean was pretty
hot about it, and my dad told him that he’d help him get even with us.
While we slept quietly the two of them went out to
the garage, got a couple buckets and then went outside to fill them up with
snow. Now you might remember that we all went to sleep not wearing our pajamas
so all Mark was wearing was his wet diaper and all I was wearing was my
underwear and socks. Sean and my dad unzipped our sleeping bags, pulled them
open and at the same time they each dumped a bucket of snow onto us.
I woke up screaming; Mark on the other hand woke
up, jumped up and ran to my bedroom. I think he was more embarrassed to be
seen in his diaper then he was upset that our prank backfired on us.
“That’s what you get for the
pudding!” Sean laughed and gave my dad a high-five.
With my teeth chattering I ran to the bathroom to
take a hot shower but found that Mark was already in there so I had to settle
with jumping into my bed and covering up to try and warm up my body.
~ Twenty-Eighth Encounter ~
After what happened with Mike at the party,
an idea started brewing. I don’t think I slept much at all after the
party. My mind wouldn’t shut-off. I kept thinking about helping Mike
change out of his wet pants and SpongeBob underwear. I was also mulling over
my new idea so the follow day, when I ran into Mark I shared it with him. He got
excited and decided that it was an absolutely brilliant idea. He even helped
me refine it from an obscure idea into something that was totally doable.
If you’ve been reading about all my
close encounters with the diaper and wetting kind, you know that, more then
once now, I have found myself presented with an emergency wetting or pooping
situation and I’ve had to think fast to help out whoever it was. My
idea, originally, was to create some sort of Super Hero style utility diaper
belt thing that I could wear at all times incase I find myself faced with
another situation like what happened with Mike at the party or at the movies
that one time.
As Mark and I talked it over we both agreed
that a diaper utility belt wouldn’t exactly be inconspicuous when you
conceder all the stuff that would be contained in it. Mark came up with a
better idea to get one of those backpacks that has a secret compartment in it
where you are supposed to keep you laptop computer.
That evening, while Mark and I were in my
room talking about what sort of things to put into the emergency backpack my
sister came into my room carrying a green zippered three-ringed binder.
“Hey thief.” She said.
I should explain that my sister and I had a
bit of a tiff earlier in the day because she caught me in her room taking
notebook paper out of her desk drawer. Granted, I should have asked before
taking it but she didn’t need to blow it up like she had just caught me
stealing the Declaration of Independence.
She tossed the zippered binder at my head
and she didn’t do it nicely either but I did catch it before it
collided with my skull.
“Hey! Watch it!” I snapped at
her.
“You can have that and I put 500
sheets of college rule notebook paper in it for you. So don’t let me
catch you trying to rob paper from me again!” she said and then stormed
out before I could say anything else.
“Whoa!” Mark said,
“You’ve got a cool sister.”
I on the other hand was feeling rather
confused. I was both angry that she’d just tried to brain me with a
three-ring binder and shocked that she would do something so nice after
having just caught me stealing paper from her.
“Uh, yeah.” I said, unzipping
the binder and seeing all the paper.
“Boy, you are set for the rest of
High School.” Mark commented.
But as I had the binder on my lap and
realizing that it was my sister’s binder from last year it struck me
how awesome it would be to have an emergency diaper kit that would fit into
something that could be disguised as a zippered three-ringed binder.
The fact that I was thinking so hard was evident
even to Mark who kicked my shin, not hard, only hard enough to get my
attention.
“What?” he asked me so I told
him what I was just thinking about.
“Oh man that would be so cool.”
Mark said pulling it out of my hands, “And you could still keep it in
the secret compartment of the backpack just so that someone doesn’t
mistakenly try to look in it.”
“Too bad it has those three rings in
it.” I said.
Mark popped open the rings, took out all
the paper and handed it too me without even looking at me. He was too busy
checking out the binder by flipping it this way and that.
“I think if we could get these two
rivet things off then the whole metal part should come out.” Mark said
holding it open and pointing to one of the rivets.
I took the notebook back so that I could
get a closer look.
“Nah man, they are really in
there.” I said trying to pull the ring unit away from the zippered
cover.
“Give it back a second.” Mark
said yanking it out of my hands. “Got a pocket knife or maybe even a
flat screwdriver?”
“Um, I can get you both, which you
want?” I asked him already standing up and heading toward my bedroom
door.
“Maybe both, and a hammer too if you
got one.” Mark said while continuing to examine the binder.
I chuckled as I left him sitting on the
side of my bed while I went scavenging for tools. The screwdriver and hammer
I found in the junk-drawer in the kitchen. The pocket knife I got from off my
brother’s dresser. He wasn’t home, for the first time since his
surgery he’d gone out with some of his friends and besides, I knew,
unlike my sister, he wouldn’t mind that I was in his room.
It took Mark maybe only two minutes to pop
those two rivets and remove the whole three-ringed until from the cover.
“Oh man Mark you are a wizard!”
I said feeling around the inside of the spacious zippered cover.
“Ah, it was easy!” he said
which I knew wasn’t the truth because I’d just watched him do it
and it had looked extremely difficult to do.
Right about then, Dad stepped into my room
wearing his overcoat.
“Hi boys.” Dad said.
“Hey dad!” I said.
“Oh, hi Mr. Riddle.” Mark said.
Dad reached up to his hat, pulled off a partial
handful of snow and threw it at Mark.
“Ah no that’s cold!” Mark
said as he recoiled backward across my bed.
“Sorry to be the one to tell you
Mark, but you’re going to have to stay here tonight. The roads are
horrible out there. I saw five accidents on my way home.”
“I better call my mom then.”
Mark said.
“No need, she just called here
looking for you. I told her we’d let you sleep in the garage.”
Dad said trying to throw snow at me but missing by a mile.
“Whoa, um, I got to sleep in the
garage?” Mark said gullibly.
“Dude!” I said hitting him with
the notebook cover as he sat back up, “Dad was kidding!” I then
looked at dad, “Um, you were kidding right dad?”
Dad cocked one eyebrow as he said, “Oh
I suppose you can sleep inside.”
Mark was so funny! He sprang off my bed,
fell to his knees and was hugging my dad’s leg while saying, “Oh
thank you kind sir! And might I beg you for a morsel of food?”
Dad reached down, grabbed Mark by the hair
and lifted Mark off him. Of course dad didn’t really pull Mark’s
hair, the two of them just made it look that way.
“I suppose next you’ll want to
wash yourself in MY tub!” dad said still holding Mark by the hair.
“You mean, ‘GULP’ a
bath?” Mark said and it was so funny that I couldn’t help but
laugh.
Dad let go of Marks hair and playfully
wiped it on his overcoat, perhaps two baths are in order. I was laughing so
hard I thought I was going to wet myself.
“And you could probably use one
yourself son of mine!” Dad said while giving me a disgusted look.
Trying to stifle my giggles I said,
“Yes dear father! I shall go wash at once!”
Dad left, leaving Mark and me falling all
over each other laughing. After dinner Mark took a shower and I took one
after him. Then the two of us spent the rest of the evening and much of the
night talking about mostly stupid stuff that seemed important at the time.
The following day school was closed so Mark
and I started a snow shoveling business. During the night more then five
inches of snow had fallen but Mark and I found that on the opposite side of
the street from my house, the snow was more like a foot deep and sometimes
even deeper in places. That first day we raked in over forty-dollars and we
made that much half again the second day because it snowed a little more that
second night. Mark hadn’t slept over that second night though; however
we had already planned on getting up early to get a jump on shoveling.
Sean showed up around lunch time but he
didn’t want any part of snow shoveling. He was more concerned with
throwing snowballs at us. Mark and I took a few minutes out of our busy work
to pelt Sean with a few dozen snowballs. Actually, that was really fun right
up to the point where Sean got in a lucky throw and nailed me right in the
face.
“Sean! When I catch you, you’re
dead!” I shouted and took off running for him. Thankfully, the snow
drift Sean had been using as a snow shield also slowed him down enough to
allow me to catch up to him. When I was only a couple feet away from him I
leapt into the air and pounced on him like a snow leopard.
As I leapt onto him he screeched like a
barn owl. I sat on his back, shoved him face first into the snow and said,
“Thought you would get away with ambushing us huh?”
He struggled to get away and nearly folded
himself in half backwards so that he could get his face out of the snow to
breathe.
“Max you’re crushing me!”
He whined but he should have saved his breath because I had him right where I
wanted him. I dug my fingers into the sides of his thick wool coat and began
tickling his ribs. When he started to scream I slid my butt so that I was
nearly sitting on his shoulder blades. His face was forced back into the
snow.
Mark caught up to us, his entire front was
covered in snow and I knew he’d taken a nose dive into the snow while
trying to race over.
“Hold him down!” Mark cheered.
“What do you think I’m doing?
Taking a nap?” I said as Sean once again was able to lift his face out
of the snow; but only barely.
“Get off me!” Sean screamed.
Mark dropped to his knees, yanked off his
right glove and before Sean or I knew what was happening, Mark had pulled open
the back of Sean’s pants and GoodNite, exposing Sean’s gleaming
white butt which was nearly as white as the snow around us. Mark began
shoveling snow into his pants with his one gloved hand while Sean screamed
for us to stop.
With the back of his GoodNite packed with
snow, Mark and I hurdled ourselves off of him. Sean quickly got to his feet;
his face was streaked with frozen tears. Snow was caked to his eyebrows and
the front of his hair. During the struggle he’d lost his hat. He called
us a couple of buttheads and ran away.
Mark and I were falling all over each other
laughing. “Oh man that was funny!” Mark roared.
From a distance Sean’s voice carried
across the frosty air, “I hate you guys!”
It seemed to take forever for the two of us
to be able to stand again and get back to shoveling snow. Every time
we’d stop laughing we’d look at each other and start all over again.
We took great delight in telling and retelling the tail to each other.
“You know we’re going to have
to watch our backs now.” I told Mark “He’s going to get
even with us!”
Mark began laughing again, slipped on a
small patch of ice and his feet went flying into the air. He hit the sidewalk
all the while still laughing his head off.
“You alright?” I asked him.
“Stop making me laugh!” he
groaned and laughed at the same time.
Mark got back to his feet. He was holding
his butt and snorting with laughter.
It almost looked like he wanted to say
something but couldn’t stop himself from giggling long enough to put
two words together.
“What?” I asked him as I tried
so very hard not to laugh but failed miserably.
He took a deep breath and blurted out,
“I bet Jack Frost is nipping at more then his nose by now!”
I snorted too and fell over sideways into
the snow. “Oh Please stop!” I too was holding my stomach and
doubled over, “Bet he’s cheeks are nice rosy!”
“My butt hurts!” Mark chuckled.
“My stomach hurts!” I laughed.
The two of us carried on like that the rest
of the day. Sean never attempted a second military assault; something of
which I am very grateful for. Because if he had, we probably wouldn’t
have seen him coming.
~ Twenty-Ninth Encounter ~
That second day, a while after lunch, Mark
and I had shoveled so many walks that we had plowed all the way over to Mike Rabur’s
house. However, we didn’t shovel their sidewalk, because Mr. Rabur,
Mike’s father owns one of those enormous self propelled snow blowers
and had already cleared their driveway and sidewalks. Mr. Rabur had even cleared
a path through the snow all the way around their house, sort of like a
two-foot-wide snow moat. I’m not sure why he did that, but it looked
cool.
Even though we didn’t get any money
out of Mike’s dad, we did manage to hire his son away for the remainder
of the day. Mike had seen us shoveling the neighbors’ driveway and came
out to see us. Mark asked him if he wanted to help and without hesitation he
jumped right in with gusto.
You know, at first I thought maybe Mike
might be freaked-out after what had happened at the party. I mean, I’d
not only seen him in wet pants, but I’d also seen him naked. Conversely,
Mike acted as though absolutely nothing had happened. Moreover, he acted like
the three of us had been friends all our lives.
I’m not sure about Mark, but I had
completely forgotten that we were supposed to be watching out for Sean. My
guard was completely down as the three of us shoveled snow, talked and
laughed a lot. Mike and I were shoveling out an old ladies sidewalk from her
door to her driveway while Mark was down by the street shoveling out the
driveway apron that had been buried by the snow plow. We weren’t really
paying much attention to Mark until we heard a blood curdling battle cry.
Mike and I turned to see Sean on top of Mark who was lying upside down
against one side of the snow mound. Before we could react, Sean sprang to his
feet and ran off again. By the time we got to Mark he was already staggering
to his feet and that is when we saw what Sean had done to him.
Like some sort of demented snow Ninja, Sean
had snuck up on the unsuspecting Mark, tackled him from behind and pulled a
half frozen, used GoodNite over Marks head. Mike stood there looking utterly
shocked and confused while I fell to the ground laughing my butt off!
“I told you! I told you!” I
blasted though my laughter, “I told you he’d get revenge!”
“That little...” Mark started
to say.
“Is that...” Mike began,
“Oh sick! It is!”
Mike looked like he was going to be sick as
he said, “That’s ghastly! W-w-why would someone do that?!”
“He’s a friend of ours.”
I said.
“A friend?!” Mike exclaimed.
“Well he was!” Mark said under
his breath as he threw the GoodNite down on the ground. It made a semi-loud
squishing sound which caused me to double over again with laughter.
“Oh that sounded wet!” Mike
said and I think I saw a hint of a smile.
I explained to him how Sean had ambushed us
the day before and how Mark and I had jumped Sean and filled his pants with
snow. However, I purposefully left out the part about Sean’s GoodNite.
“Yeah, but still!” Mike said,
“He put a wet diaper on Mark’s head!”
Mark stomped on it, “It’s not a
diaper! It’s a GoodNite!”
Despite the fact that Mark had just worn one
of Sean’s pee soaked GoodNite for a hat, I don’t think he should
have ousted Sean like he did next but at least when he did so, he also ousted himself to Mike.
Mark tried to wash some of the pee out of
his hair using snow while saying, “Just wait! I’m going to mummify
his head with one of my big wet Tena diapers the next time I see him!”
Shocked that Mark would say something like
that, I looked to Mike to be sure he’d actually heard it. Boy did he ever! Mike’s eyes were the size of car tires and
his mouth was hanging open.
Mark realized too late what he’d said
and the look on his face was just as mortified, if not more so, than Mikes
was.
I started speaking without really thinking
about what I was saying. Without spilling Mike’s secret, I told him
about Mark and Sean’s problem and that it was a, “Super-ultra-high,
top-secret, we’d-have-to-kill-you-chop-you-to-bits-and-feed-you-to-a-fat-woman-who’d-poop-you-out-if-you-ever-tell,”
kind of secret.
Amazingly, Mike smiled and asked me,
“So they wet like me?”
Just like that, all three of their secrets
were out. In an instant every bit of the uncomfortable tension dissipated
into the winter air.
For the remainder of the day the three of
us worked like machines. The subject of our conversation didn’t waiver,
all we talked about was wetting, diapers and sharing our most embarrassing
wetting memories. Of course I didn’t have any since I don’t share
their problem but I did tell about the time I wore Mark’s wet pants.
Actually, I’ve done that on many occasions now, but I only told Mike
about the first time.
As we were shoveling our second sidewalk as
a team of three Mike stopped, leaned on the snow shovel and asked, “So
are all three of you Teen-Babies then?”
Hearing it put so bluntly made it sound so,
well, so perverted. Mark was the first to answer.
“No!” He said strongly,
“I wish I didn’t have to wear these stupid things but it’s
better then walking around with wet pants all day.”
I was getting ready to explain to Mike yet
again that I don’t wear diapers and I don’t wet my pants but I
didn’t have too. Mark spoke up yet again.
“And Max doesn’t were diapers
like we do.” He said motioning to Mike and himself. “He’s
just...” he faltered while searching for the right word.
Mike jumped back in with, “Oh I get
it! Then you’re a daddy!” he said to me.
“What?” Mark and I exclaimed in
unison.
“You just like caring for people who
wear diapers.” He said.
It was hard to believe that Mike was only thirteen-years-old
because he sounded much older and more educated on the subject than Mark or me.
Talk about being in the hot seat! Now Mark
was staring at me the same way Mike was.
“You know something Mike? I think
maybe you’ve figured Max out to a tee!” Mark said with a humorous
huff.
Mark shoveled up a mound of snow and lobbed
it at me, “Daddy Max!” he teased.
“Oh shut up and get back to
work!” I said.
“Ok daddy!” Mike taunted too as
he quickly began shoveling snow again.
As we worked and talked, we all kept a
watchful eye out for another sneak attack by Sean. I assumed that Mark was in
the clear now, he’d received his payback but I feared that I was still on
Sean’s hit list. However, we didn’t see any sign of Sean the rest
of the day. In a way, I wish he would have just got it over with, so that I
wouldn’t have to spend another day looking over my shoulder wherever I
went.
~ Thirtieth Encounter ~
Even after we gave Mike his share of the
money the three of us had made that second afternoon, Mark and I still had
over ninety-dollars between the two of us. Mark tried to insist that I keep
all of it to use for the Super Hero Diaper Kit supplies, but I forced him to
take his share anyway. By force, I mean that I tackled him to the floor and
tickled his arm pits until he peed and agreed to take the money.
Unfortunately, the next day, school
reopened again; otherwise Mark and I probably would have continued our little
enterprise even though the snow was getting harder to shovel with each
passing day.
After suffering through that first day back
to school, Mark met up with me after his Judo lesson and the two of us made
our way up to the corner drug store to purchase the supplies we’d need
for the kit. We found some of the best stuff for putting inside an emergency
diapering kit.
Tiny travel packages of baby wipes that had
three wipes per sealed package. They were only two dollars and ninety-nine
cents for a box of ten packages. We bought all that they had of those.
Diapers were probably the most difficult
because there are so many different sizes. The problem was,
how do we fit one of every size diaper into the zippered binder cover? After
looking at all the different packages of diapers Mark and I finally gave up
on those for the time being. Instead, we focused on the other items we would
need such as powder, rash cream, Vaseline, Zip-Lock storage bags for soiled
diapers and a changing pad. I hadn’t thought about including a changing
pad but Mark said we diffidently had to have one of those. We found one that was
clear with blue stars, pink flowers and yellow bowties all around the edges.
The good thing was that it was thin, yet strong vinyl and when folded, it
hardly took up much space at all.
“Boy Mark! This is going to be
perfect!” I told him as I dropped the pad into our shopping cart.
“Maybe we should get two,” Mark
said, “So that you’ll have a spear, incase you need it later.”
Once we were sure we had everything we
might need, we had to return to the problem of which diapers to get. The two
of us stood in the diaper isle looking at the endless choices of diapers and
feeling completely overwhelmed.
“Maybe we should just get one package
of the biggest size?” Mark suggested.
“Well, then I might end up in the
same situation I did at the movies that one time. Your diaper was absolutely
huge on that kid.” I said.
“Oh yeah, I remember that! What was
his name again?” Mark asked.
I bent down to read the smaller writing on
the back of a package of Pampers Size-6 and without really thinking about it,
I answered Mark’s question.
“Eben Maximillian Orric Jr.” I
said.
“Wow Max! Do you remember everyone
you ever had an encounter with?” Mark said and the tone of his voice
made me wonder if he was attempting to tease me a little.
When it was clear that I wasn’t going
to answer him, he said with a whine, “Even if it was too big, at least one
of my diapers worked.”
That was when a lady that worked at the Drug
Store walked up to us and asked if she could help us. I, of course, turned twelve
shades of red but Mark didn’t. He spoke right up and I thought I was
going to have a stroke.
“We’re trying to invent an
emergency diaper kit for parents to use but we don’t have enough room
to put in every size of diaper.” He said as simply as if asking where
the athlete’s foot-powder was at.
The store lady looked at the two of us and
for the first time I started to question this whole diaper infatuation I
have. If she hadn’t spoke-up when she did, I think I might have run out
of the store and never return again.
Sounding just a bit skeptical, she asked, “Is
this something you’re doing for school?”
“Uh, yeah. It’s for Home
Economics class.” I quickly lied, “Everyone has to come up with
something to help new parents and this is what we got stuck with.”
“I swear! The things teachers are
coming up with these days. You know, I’ve had three others in here this
week with outlandish school projects. Oh well then, let’s see what we
can come up with.” She said and I found myself wondering what sort of
project those other’s had to do for school and if it had anything to do
with diapers.
“I’m assuming you want to stick
with something that’s disposable?” she asked, directing her
question at Mark because I was too busy looking at the floor.
“Well yeah, I guess so.” Mark answered
while looking to me for confirmation.
I think I might have nodded or shrugged or
something.
“Because a cloth diaper would pretty
much be one size fits all.” She said but then countered her own comment
with, “However, plastic pants wouldn’t be.”
The lady fingered that little divot below
her nose while thinking out loud, “And besides, cloth would probably be
too bulky for what you are trying to do.”
“If only they made a one size fits
all disposable diaper.” Mark said not realizing that his thought had
been said out loud.
The lady suddenly brightened up, snapped
her fingers and said, “Wait right here. I think we might have something
in the back room. I’ll only be a minute.
She was gone a lot longer then a minute,
try ten minutes!
“Why’d you have to go and tell
her all that for?” I said backhanding Mark on the arm.
Mark flinched and grabbed his arm as though
I’d just punched him as hard as I could.
“What’s the matter with you? I
barely touched you.” I said still upset with him.
He shook out his arm and continued to rub
the spot I’d hit. “Must be sore from Judo class.” He said
and at the time I accepted it but a time was coming when I’d think back
on this moment and realize that there was more to it then just sore muscles
from working out.
The lady finally returned with her arms
loaded.
“We just got these in, they’re
new sample packs.” She said handing us both one of the yellow boxes.
“They’re the new adjustable briefs
from Attends. And well, they are not really one-size-fits all,” she
said while bobbing her head from side to side, “but they do come in two
youth sizes, which is what I brought out for you. Small to medium,
that’s what you have there. Then there are these...” she handed
us both a blue box which read, LG/XLG.
“These are the sample packages, they
are individually wrapped and you could put one of each size into your diaper
kit thing.” She said and I couldn’t help noticing that she seemed
a little too eager about all this.
Forgetting that I was supposed to be
feeling embarrassed I exclaimed, “Wow, thanks! These will be
perfect!”
Mark asked a really good question, “How
much do they cost?”
“Oh, well these are just samples that
we’re supposed to give out to anyone that buys diapers. I don’t
think we’re supposed to start that promotion until next month.”
She said dropping into our tiny drug story shopping cart all
that she had in her arms.
“They are really free?” I
asked.
“Yep!” she said with a toothy smile
and then she got serious, “But don’t let my boss know I let you
have them.”
“Wow! Thanks so very much!”
Mark exclaimed. I’m sure he hadn’t meant for it to come out
sounding so fruity, but it did.
“Yeah, thanks!” I said too and
then something struck me. My story was that Mark and I were making just one
of these kits for school. But the lady had given us enough to make at least a
dozen kits. I felt that I needed to say something.
“Um, but I don’t think we need
that many samples for our school project.” I said trying to not look at
Mark, who I knew was looking at me in disbelief.
She smiled again and said, “Oh well,
whatever you don’t use, just give to someone that can use them.
We’ve got hundreds more back there still.”
And with that Mark and I started to head
for the checkout register. We were about half way up the candy isle when Mark
stopped me.
“Since we have so many free diapers,
why don’t we make more then one kit?” he said in a soft whisper.
“But I don’t have another
binder.” I commented.
He poked me in the forehead, “Hello,
we can buy another one!”
“Can you believe our luck?”
Mark asked as we headed over to the school supplies isle.
“I don’t know about you, but I
thought I was going to die when that lady walked up to us.” I laughed
and wiped the sweat from my upper lip.
“Yeah, you looked like your head was
going to explode or something!” Mark said as he nudged me with his
elbow.
We made our second trip through the store,
making sure we had at least two of everything. Most of the stuff we had a lot
more then just two. I wasn’t going to need to go supply shopping again
for a while, that was for sure.
Thankfully, no one saw us as we arrived
home and carried our supplies to my room. However, to be safe, once we were
in my room I closed the door and shoved my desk chair under the knob to keep
anyone from coming in and seeing all that stuff.
The rest of our afternoon was spent getting
all that stuff situated inside the zippered binder cover. It bulged a little
but it closed and anyone that saw it would think it was just another not
book. And once we put it into the computer compartment in the new backpack
that Mark had brought over, no one would ever know I had it.
I switched out all my school books from my
old book bag into the new backpack and once I’d returned the chair to
my desk I hung the backpack on it.
We stashed all the extra supplies under my
dresser. I discovered a very long time ago, that if I pull out my dresser,
there is a small area under the bottom drawer that is open from the back.
From the front you can’t see that small area, so it is a perfect place
to hide things I don’t want mom and dad to see. Such as girly magazines
and now my secret stash of emergency diaper kit supplies.
~ Thirty-First Encounter ~
This next encounter happened on a Saturday
at K-Mart. And yes, it is the same K-Mart where I had my very first encounter
so long ago but this wasn’t an encounter like any I’ve had
before. To be honest, I hope I never have an encounter like it again. OK, let
me explain.
My dad had brought me to the store with him
because he was getting a new Microwave for our kitchen. I have no idea why he
dragged me along, maybe he thought he would need my help carrying it or
something. On Friday morning, when my sister was trying to defrost a loaf of
bread, our old microwave up and died with no warning what-so-ever. Now, my
sister and I know why it died, but with a single glace at each other
we’d promised never to tell our parents why. So, I guess I’m
telling now; let’s hope that my mom and dad or my sister never read
this. When she put the frozen bread into the microwave she had left the metal
twist-tie on it and didn’t pay attention to it after hitting the
‘Start’ button. Boy, that little wire-twist-tie was sparking and
shooting off a lightshow worthy of a Washington D.C. Fourth of July extravaganza.
I was so captivated by the light show that it didn’t occur to me right
away to get up from the table and turn it off. I watched the shower of parks
at least ten or twenty seconds before I shouted at my sister to turn the microwave
off. However, it was too late; as she was reaching for the ‘Stop’
button it made a clicking sound and turned itself off. Boy, you never smelled
such a stink in your life. It was like hot metal, melted plastic and burnt
toast.
When dad came to see what was making the awful
smell I think we both expected him to hit the roof, but instead he said,
“Alright, which one of you two farted? And don’t try to tell me
it was your sister because I already know that girls don’t fart!”
and he punctuated it by smacking me playfully on the back of my head.
Luckily, my sister had the forethought to
remove the loaf and toss it into the trash before dad came in, so I
don’t think he ever knew just what ‘caused the problem.
Now, dad is the sort of guy, who can't just
buy something; he has to look at every single model and compare every tiny
aspect. I suppose that's a good thing, but not when you have to stand around
waiting on him for hours... and I do mean HOURS!
I was so relieved when dad turned to me in
the store and said, "You look bored, why don't you go over to the
sporting goods and I'll come get you when I'm ready."
I didn't even hesitate. I was off like a
shot, weaving between customer’s carts and racing down unoccupied isles.
Now I have been begging my parents for a
paintball gun for a while now and every chance I get I like to go ogle them.
That's just what I had in mind.
"Oh man, the Spyder
Sonix with semi-auto action and," I was reading the package out loud,
"power feed! And oh my gosh, it's on
sale!!!"
"Top of the line!" someone said
and I think I jumped as I spun around in shock.
It was a Hispanic boy, maybe twelve years
old with jet black hair and dark brown eyes. He had the biggest lips I had
ever seen on a guy before and his eyelashes were so long that they didn't
look real. He laughed when he realized that he'd startled me.
"Sorry, didn't know someone was
listening." I said while trying to recover my composure.
"I have two!" he said.
"Two what?" I asked not realizing
right away that he had meant the Spyder Sonix
paintball gun.
"The gun, I have two; One’s red
and one’s blue with the black rubber grips." he clarified.
I think I was still feeling a little
startled because I didn’t respond right away.
"Oh yeah, play all the time too.”
He gloated, “I am the best! No one can beat me ever!"
I was beginning to believe that I was being
fed a line of bull but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I mean, I didn't
know him from Adam, so how did I know if he was lying or not.
Anyway, the kid went on and on telling me
how good he was, and how he had won all these paintball competition trophies.
Heck, I just wanted to look at the guns; I didn't want to hear how he single
handedly beat six tenth graders last weekend. He picked up a package of four
blue and gold colored paintballs. "See these?" he said handing the
package up to me.
"These have a kind of pepper in them
so that when you get hit, you really go down. Only the real experienced
players use them. I use them almost all the time." he said and I
couldn't take anymore of the kid; I mean a guy can only take so much crap
before everything starts to stink like a landfill of used disposable diapers.
"Hey, I got to go; my dad's probably
waiting for me." I said and took off before he could start talking
again.
I was surprised to find my dad had made a
selection and was about to come get me when I arrived in the appliance
department.
"Oh there you are Max, you're just in
time." dad said.
"So, did you get the white one?"
I asked and I shouldn't have because dad started into the whole spiel about
why the one he selected was so much better then any of the others and how he
managed to get a deal on it. All the way up to the checkout he went on and on
and heck, I didn't know half of what he was talking about most of the time.
"Zip your coat up, it's cold our
there." dad said as he was swiping his credit card.
"Yeah, yeah." I mumbled to myself.
We started to leave but as I was starting
through the door that stupid anti-theft metal detector thing went off. I
figured that it was the microwave that done it but after the lady at the
checkout counter swiped it again it set off the alarm a second time.
This skinny guy came over and took the box
out of our cart, he couldn’t have been 18 yet, but he acted like he was
the king of K-Mart. His name tag said, Assistant Day Manager in Training. He
walked it through the doors without the alarm sounding. I don't know where
the two guys in suits came from and though they didn't have any nametags on,
I could tell that they were store security. I’m sure you know the
type... cheep department story suits, bad hair cuts and a holier then thou
look about them.
It’s embarrassing enough when the
door alarm goes off and everyone within eye shot stairs at you, but to have
security ask you to step away from the doors loud enough for all to hear is
just humiliating. I mean they automatically treat you like you’re a
harden criminal.
You might also remember that my dad is a
criminal defense trial lawyer and he can argue like no bodies business. All
through his high school and college years my father was on his school debate
team which means he’s a highly experienced arguer. If you ask my dad
what sort of degrees he has, he’ll tell you that he has a PhD in B.S.-ology. But I have since learned that you can’t
argue with K-Mart security guys that think they are Clint Eastwood, Sylvester
Stallone, and Al Pacino all wrapped into one bundle
and stuffed into a cheep K-Mart suit.
In hide-sight, arguing with them
wasn’t the best move to make because dad was just causing a scene. One
of the security guys said to dad, “Listen, if you don’t calm down
we’re going to have to phone the police.”
“By all means! Please, PLEASE call
the police!” Dad shouted and all I wanted to do was find somewhere to
hide. As it was I had the hood of my coat pulled over my head and down over my
face as much as possible but I could still feel the other customers’
eyes boring holes through my coat.
To make a long, drawn out scene shorter,
the police came and both dad and I were escorted to the back of the store to
a tiny employee lunch room. When the police found out who my dad was, they
seemed to switch sides and were trying to calm the K-Mart people down.
I felt so intimidated and my heart was
racing a million beats per minute. I was staying behind my dad, away from
everyone and I guess I said something because everyone stopped to look at me.
The next think I knew I was laying on the floor with a paramedic leaning over
me taking my blood pressure.
“There he is!” someone out of
view said.
“Dad?” I whimpered sounding
like a scared little child.
Dad’s voice couldn’t have
sounded calmer, “I’m right here Max; you’re ok. You just
fainted.”
The paramedic that was checking me out
asked, “Can you tell me your name?”
“Maxwell L. Riddle,” I
answered.
“Good,” the paramedic said,
“And what’s the L stand for?”
Now, I don’t actually remember saying
this, but dad swears I told the guy, “None of your damn business!”
Someone laughed, “Yeah, he’ll
be fine.”
“M-my head is cold,” I said.
“That’s because your head is
resting on an ice pack.” the paramedic told me.
“Did I hit my head?” I groaned
as I tried to move and a pain like an electric shock exploded within my skull.
Dad chuckled and said, “You nearly
broke their floor with that hard head of yours.”
I laughed and then moaned from the pain,
“Dad, don't take this the wrong way, but you're nuts!
Dad then said, “Oh, you sound just
like the toaster!” And made me laugh again.
Someone was kneeling to my right, but they
had their back to me doing something. It took a second to realize that it was
the other paramedic. When he turned around he didn’t look very old.
Actually, except for the cheesy porn star mustache, he looked like he could
still be in high school. He wiped the inside of my right elbow with a cotton
swab and then turned away again.
Dad made the comment, “Get ready for
the ouchy!”
“This won’t hurt a bit,”
The guy said with his back still to me. I had to hazard another peek and
noticed that his shirt had ridden up in the back. When I looked closer I saw
that his underwear didn’t look like underwear at all. They looked kind
of shiny, like... He had turned back toward me and stuck me with a needle
even before I knew he was going to do it.
“Hotchie Motchie!” I exclaimed
and made everyone laugh. “Dang dude! Warn a body next time would ya?”
When he turned away again I got another
look and was sure it was a diaper, but then my dad leaned over me and asked,
“You doing ok champ?”
“Me? Oh yeah, you know just needed a
lil’ nap.” I joked.
“Well, would you look at that!”
someone else said.
I lifted my head slightly and saw that it
was that same skinny assistant manager guy. He bent down and it felt like he
was trying to take my shoe off my foot. As he stood back up he held out a
small black rectangular thing.
“Boy!” Dad said looking right
into my eyes, “If you weren’t already hurt, I’d beat you
till you couldn’t grow anymore.”
“What?” I said not realizing
that I’d had one of those security scanning devises stuck to the bottom
of my shoe.
“He must have stepped on it somewhere
in the store.” The skinny guy commented. He then promptly apologized to
my dad and me. I guess the fact that I’d fainted had everyone
associated with K-Mart concerned. However, I don’t think their concern
was for my well being as much as the fear that my father would sue them for
everything they had and then some.
Normally, I wouldn’t have been too
happy with the fact that I had to go to the hospital in the ambulance to get
my head checked out. However, seeing how I might get a chance to see more of
the medics diaper was more than enough to counter my dread of going to the
emergency room.
Maybe they were worried that if they told
me how hurt I was I might faint again or worse; and that is why they
didn’t share with me that I did more then just hit my head on the
floor. Once in the hospital emergency room I learned that I had cracked the
back of my skull completely open and had bled quite a bit. Dad also told me
that before I came too I had, had a small seizure. Unfortunately, the
diapered medic wasn’t the one that road in the back with me; he had
climbed into the drivers seat. Aside from the brief moment when he and his
partner wheeled me into the emergency room, I didn’t get to see him
again.
~ Thirty-Second Encounter ~
While all the Kings Horseman and all the
Kings Men attempted to put my head back together again, I happen to have yet
another hospital encounter. Yeah, no kidding! Maybe it’s a sign that I
should study medicine when I go to college? Anyway, the encounter was quite
brief and I never actually saw the diaper but I did hear about it.
I was lying on my stomach on the rolling
bed in the elevator. Some guy was taking me to have my head x-rayed and we
weren’t alone in the elevator. There was a fairly attractive lady
present. I guessed she was in her mid-thirties, with long shiny rust colored
hair and pale, glowing skin. Although she looked worried and tired, she still
looked pretty dang hot to me. I assumed that the girl and boy standing in
front of her were her daughter and son. I mean, wouldn’t you?
The girl was only tall enough for me to see
her head from her lips up. She looked like a smaller version of her mother
but with shorter hair. The boy too was rather pleasing to the eyes, (oh god
did I really just say that?) with his rust colored hair which he wore parted
on one side. However, his most prominent feature was his heavily freckled
nose. In another place and time I probably would have made some kind of wise
crack about him looking like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
The boy glanced my way and we made
momentary eye contact. He smiled politely but I can’t remember if I
smiled back. I mean, I was suffering from a head injury, so cut me some slack
here. He looked pretty young but not too young. Like I said before, I’m
a bad judge of peoples age, however I would hazard to guess that he was maybe
eight or nine years old but his eyes looked much older then that.
A shiver ran through me and the Orderly who
was talking me to get x-rayed patting my back and asked me, “You doing
ok?”
“Huh, oh yeah but I’m
cold.” I mumbled.
“That’s probably the ice
pack.” He said and tucked the thin blanket up around my neck,
“When we get up to x-ray they have some nice warm blankets. I’ll
get you one.”
The boy and I made eye contact again. This
time he didn’t smile. He looked worried, or concerned about something.
I watched as he turned toward his mother and motioned for her to bend down to
his level. Cupping his hands around his mouth he whispered, “I had an
accident again.” Although he thought he was whispering, it was actually
pretty loud. Even his young sister had looked at him and gave him a disgusted
look.
I was so disappointed when the elevator
doors opened and they got out. My chauffer and I had to go up one more floor,
so that ended that ever so brief encounter.
~ To Be Continued ~
** I’d like to thank everyone that’s
been writing and saying how much they like Close Encounters 3. I know I’ve
not been answering your emails but I promise I will... and soon! All of you
have been so kind and I can’t be happier that you are enjoying
Max’s encounters as much as I am enjoying coming up with them.
If you have enjoyed this latest installment,
I’d love to hear from you. You can write to me at m12@thedoghousemail.com.